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January 3, 2006 (11:45 pm) Happy New Year! Lisa and I had a spectacular time with Charles, Cecelia, and Olivia in DC. Char December 27, 2005 (12:30 pm) We hope everyone had a happy Christmas. I sure did, I SCORED on the gifts. I'll give you a run down later. Thanks to everyone!
Lisa has had a headache for a month. It's getting worse and worse. It seems to be in her sinuses. She went to the Doctor yesterday and got a prescription for an antibiotic and Flonase. She used the Flonase last night and now she can't smell anything. Updated on Lisa's sense of smell are forthcoming.
Julia has given me until January 3 to get some pictures posted. I hope to rise to the occasion. I aim to please. We got to see Miranda on Christmas, what a cutie!
December 22, 2005 (11:22 pm) The shame of it is I'm in the mood to update the Lame Web Page, but it's 11:22 at night and I have this thing called a job to wake up to bright and early tomorrow, so it isn't going to happen. Go to www.charlesroe.net for new pictures and music, or www.jimdunlap.net for new blog entries.
Many of you have asked if the official Lame Web Page Christmas Card featuring me and Lisa coming down the chimney is a manipulated photo. Indeed it is - although it may appear we took a photo with our arms above our heads and turned it upside down we are actually hanging over the edge of the bed. You can look closely and see Lisa's hair clearly affected by gravity. Realism is always a priority for the fake pictures.
December 19, 2005 (10:47 pm) Lisa and I worked on our official Lame Web Page greeting cards. You know, the glossy pictures with the holiday greeting, usually of kids and pets and the like. The first iteration was deemed a little mean spirited and rejected. I didn't even put my caption on it. See for yourselves:
"Where are the presents, fat boy"
We settled on a more traditional holiday greeting card, a scene of cheer featuring me, Lisa, and Audrey by the festively decorated fire place:
December 12, 2005 (12:04 am) I got up this morning and watched a little Sunday morning television. George Stephanopoulos had the Secretary of Health to talk about the new Medicare prescription drug plan. The Secretary kept bringing up the WWW as a great tool for information and enrollment. George would fire back that only 20% - 25% of seniors have WWW access. At the end of the show he turns to the camera and says "I know we haven't answered all of your questions. For more information log on to www.abc.com and email us your questions. We'll post answers on our website next week."
A Ford commercial has the nerve to mention "innovation" and "Model T Assembly Line" in the same sentence. Have you had any innovations since 1906?
I think people overuse extra virgin olive oil and have formed a taboo against using "regular" olive. Culinary experts correct me if I'm wrong however I think extra virgin olive oil (EVOI as Rachel Ray calls it) is the very light first pressing of the olives. It has a more subtle flavor and is used primarily for tossing with finished foods like salads and pasta. I also think it has a low smoking point, thus making it less suitable for cooking. Regular olive oil, from later pressings, has more flavor, and is a heavier oil with a higher smoke point suited for cooking.
My least favorite recorded song of all time is "American Honky-Tonk Bar... Association" by Garth Brooks.
I do not drink flavored coffee. I can't stand it, any flavor (although "Hazelnut" does stand out as particularly nasty).
After the tragic hurricane Katrina I thought it would be funny to do a parody of Bush to celebrate his Administrations response. The caption would read "Bush Visits Flooded Areas" and have a picture of Bush in a fishing boat holding a catch from the flood waters. Then I came across this same idea on the internet, so I ditched the idea. Here's the picture, notice the baby is a doll. That makes it symbolic.
Lisa and I saw "Jesus is Magic" at the Alamo with Steve. A feature-length film of stand up comedy is a risky undertaking, and let me say Sarah Silverman came up with a really funny 1 1/2 hours.
December 8, 2005 (6:18 pm) I went to my favorite internet news source today, Yahoo! News, and almost fell out of the official Lame Web Page office chair when I read one of the top headlines - "Streisand Cancels LA Times Subscription"
Lisa and I made a trip to the mall for a little pre-Christmas (happy, O'Reilly?) shopping. Lisa walked out with a pair of Luigi Mastriano dress shoes for the New Year's Eve celebration with Charles & Cecelia. I scored a designer wool coat. That's right, Ralph Lauren himself. On sale at Foley's - "Red Apple Sale" it's called, because nothing says "Bargain" like "Produce". Finally, after 7 years of freezing my butt off in Chicago I will be warm. I'll be warm in DC as well. Good stuff.
Blizzard 2005 is here and it appears to have done in the cactus. Drat.
Looking for a gift for that special someone? The Lame Web Page gift creation department is proud to present a new magnet for the Christmas season:
December 6, 2005 (10:30 pm) Happy second anniversary to the best of the best wife in the whole world! I've had a blast these last two years and a look forward to a million more! I love you!
December 5, 2005 (9:38 pm) Looks like official Lame Web Page Dad, Dad, is blogging circles around me these days. And official Lame Web Page friend Charles is posting pictures left and right.
Let's take a look at the news. From my favorite news source Yahoo! News, written by AP Writer Marcus Kabel. The headline reads "Critics Say Tide Turning on Wal-Mart. The reporter talks to Nancy McShane, a former Wal-Mart addict who quit shopping at the store because Wal-Mart was putting "undue price pressure" on her "turkey-farming relatives". The best part is she's quoted as saying "We cut off Wal-Mart cold turkey. Now I'm preaching it to other people". Get it, a double-turkey reference.
The anti-Wal-Mart group "Wake Up Wal-Mart" released a study showing only 58% of Americans view Wal-Mart favorably, down from 76% last January. The group cites this as proof that their message is having an impart on the average Wal-Mart shopper. Wake Up Wal-Mart campaign director Paul Blank says "What this polling indicates is that Wal-Mart's reputation is in a tailspin".
Alright Paul, so Wal-Mart's reputation is on the slide. What's your point? Wal-Mart's sales from November 2004 to November 2005 in stores open more than a year have increased on average almost 4%. Sure, I don't view Wal-Mart favorably either, the parking lot is trashy, the stores crowded, the cliental are a tad unsavory, but I shop there. I shop there because they have everything, and I mean everything. The prices are insane. So maybe they do put a lot of pressure on their suppliers to reduce prices and don't give their employees good benefits. Don't blame Wal-Mart, blame the supplier who will sell to Wal-Mart at the price they want and the employee who will work for low wages and poor benefits. At some point the bottom will be reached, when Wal-Mart can't get their turkeys or find people to work for them they'll change. But not until that point, because it's not good business sense. Capitalist Sid enjoying the spoils of capitalism! Not to mention a $59 name brand microwave.
Also from Yahoo! News, author un-credited, we find the headline "Theologians to ask Pope to suspend limbo?" A group of international theologians is asking the Pope to eliminate the teaching of limbo from Catholic doctrine. I had no idea it was so easy - I thought God came up with all of this stuff. If the Pope can change something so fundamental I'd like to ask he change a few other things while he's at it. How about letting priests marry in hopes of attracting a more "non-pedophile" type to the profession. And how about getting some of those 72 virgins into heaven? In fact, let's go one up on Islam and make it 73.
Finally, from Yahoo! News, "Man Pleads Guilty in Horse-Sex Case". From Seattle, the new hometown of Comrade Alex. Here's the whole story, just soak it in: "A man has pleaded guilty to trespassing in connection with a fatal horse-sex case. James Michael Tait, 54, of Enumclaw, was accused of entering a barn without the owner's permission. Tait admitted to officers that he entered a neighboring barn last July with friend Kenneth Pinyan to have sex with a horse, charging papers said. Tait was videotaping the episode when Pinyan suffered internal injuries that led to his death."
"Tait pleaded guilty Tuesday and was given a one-year suspended sentence, a $300 fine, and ordered to perform eight hours of community service and have no contact with the neighbors."
"The prosecutor's office said no animal cruelty charges were filed because there was no evidence of injury to the horses."
What's more disturbing - two buddies breaking into a barn to bang a horse, or that they brought the old video camera? The story mentions Mr. Tait can no longer have contact with the poor horse. Also note he was convicted for trespassing only. Apparently in Washington it's OK to screw a horse as long as it's your own.
December 1, 2005 (10:50 pm) Charles is on a tear with these new collaborative efforts, check them out now at www.ssounds.net. Don't forget to vote!
November 27, 2005 (10:53 pm) Check out a preview of the upcoming Lame pictures of 2005. Yes, it's been almost a year since I posted pictures. Under threat from Julie I've posted a small sampling of what will be coming soon, in the glorious new Lame Picture format. That's all for tonight, it's late, and there's a full week of work staring me in the face.
November 24, 2005 (12:04 am) Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Check out a couple of special Thanksgiving movie reviews.
November 20, 2005 (11:47 pm) How can it possibly be the end of the weekend? We saw "Walk the Line" with Chris at the Alamo tonight. Not bad, not bad at all - I liked it a lot more than I expected. Speaking of movies, I wrote a review for "Elizabethtown" but did the pictures and sounds for "Garden State", so maybe the two will come together this week and I'll post some reviews.
Let's looks at a few names spelled out in "Wingdings": Lisa - Lisa Sid - Sid Alex - Alex Comrade Alex - Comrade Alex
November 16, 2005 (10:28 pm) Happy belated birthday to official Lame Web Page Mother Mom, who turned 60 on November 14. Wow, both of my parents are 60.
I read in Yahoo news today about a small town in Canada in which a large number of residents have been plagued with a severe digestion illness, prompting health officials to test the people and the water for E. Coli bacteria contamination. Turns out the problem is these people are drinking too much water. They're flushing all of the good proteins out of their systems and it's making them sick. Only in Canada, maybe it's because they have so much delicious cold mountain water.
I'm proud to announce the official launch of the www.jimdunlap.net blog, check it out. Daily thoughts from official lame web page animal expert and Dad, Dad.
November 11, 2005 (11:00 pm) I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. I'm perusing the Internet Movie Database news, and I come across the headline "Gallo Offers Sperm for Sale". "Which one, Earnest or Julio" I ask myself. Turns our actor Vincent Gallo is offering his sperm for sale. Here's the scoop - for $1,000,000.00 a want-to-be mother can enjoy an in vitro fertilization. For an additional $500,000.00 he will perform the natural act of insemination. Here's the bonus - he'll waive the extra fee if he "deems the woman attractive enough". The article goes on to disturbingly mention "Mr. Gallo is 5 feet 11 inches and has blue eyes" and "the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy (eight inches if he's like his father)."
Sure, this is an extremely unselfish offer by Mr. Gallo to help a rich woman in need, but let's face it - $1,500,000.00 is a little steep for most of us. That why the Lame Web Page is proud to offer something for the average person: |
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In other news, last week premier French actor Gerard Depardieu announced he's retiring from acting. Last week disgruntled French youths began causing mayhem in the streets. Coincidence? I think not.
Finally, a few words from Capitalist Sid. As I'm sure you're aware Congress has decided to meddle in the affairs of private business by bringing the leaders of the big oil companies forward and asking they explain their record profits as of late. It seems straightforward - their companies produce a product. That product is in extremely high demand. We by a lot of the product, and they have record profits. The key is to look at the profit margin they make- it averages 7%. That's extremely low. For comparison, Wal-Mart averages 24%, drug companies average 21%, clothing stores average 30%. So they're not price gouging, the record profits are because you and I are buying all of the product they can produce. It's our fault not theirs so stop buying their product if you don't want them to profit. Then you can whine. James Mulva, chairman of ConocoPhillips notes last year they earned a 7.7% margin, meaning they made $0.08 cents for every dollar they sold. I only put this because his name is "Mulva". |
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November 6, 2005 (9:53 pm) Check out the blog Erin, Mike, and Posey have set up so they can post about their upcoming Italy trip.
November 3, 2005 (11:30 pm) Today is a very important day - official Lame Web Page Sister Erin is 30 years old today. That's right, the big three-oh. I can't believe my little sister is 30. She seems to be catching up to me. Happy birthday Erin!
November 1, 2005 (9:53 pm) This has been a strange 24 hours. Comrade Alex and Stacey have set sail towards the coffee / grunge / slacker capitol of the world, Seattle. Godspeed Comrade, here's to seizing the opportunity for a better life.
October 30, 2005 (10:09 pm) I had plans to launch a massive Lame Web Page update today, but I'm just not in the mood having heard that Gerard Depardieu is ending his film career.
October
26, 2005 (10:35 pm) I've posted a new top ten list, check it out. Let's take a look at today's news. Found on Yahoo news, from Reuters - "Church-going boosts economic well-being? Attending religious services may enrich the soul, but it also fattens the wallet, according to research released on Tuesday". Well "praise God" I say, let's get the holy money going. This just proves one thing - God really does like Republicans more, and us God-less liberals are fated to remain poor.
October 25, 2005 (10:46 pm) Another day gone without time to work on Lame Web Updates. Over the weekend I did work on the new Flash picture album, that will fit into this space so you can continue to enjoy Blue Steel as you peruse the pics.
Check out www.ssounds.net, click "instant music" and the scroll to the bottom for Charles Roe, and listen to some of his latest works. Lisa and I particularly like "October". Really good stuff.
I was listening to Procol Harem's "Whiter Shade of Pale" and found myself wonder what the hell a "Vestal Virgin". Different from a regular virgin? Back in the old days I'd just keep wondering, or I'd look in the dictionary for a one sentence description. Two words: Google It. Did so, now I know more about the ancient roman vestal virgins than I ever hoped. I love the day and age in which we live.
Today was a banner day for idiot drivers on my way home. Mind you I live 3 miles from work, so I statistically don't expect much. I get behind a woman turning left from Banister to Ben White, it's an arrow so there's no hurry, and damned if she didn't turn so wide she ended up with the right side of the car up on the sidewalk - for about 50 feet. She continued on her merry way, right past a car in the center lane (bear in mind this is a feeder road to a freeway) who came to a complete stop, while talking on a cell phone, because she apparently was lost. Geeze.
Comrade Alex and I played a fine three-set match last night, and we were thrilled that for the first time ever Lisa was a spectator to the match. Naturally, she and Stacey spent the whole time chatting so there wasn't much in the way of actually watching the match. Frankly she probably had a better time talking than watching us play, but it's the thought that counts. Figure Comrade Alex and I only have about 2 or 3 more matches until our games become annual events, so we're really playing like fiends. I'm working on a top ten list in honor of the occasion.
October 24, 2005 (12:02 am) Another weekend blew by. Worked; watched football; napped; Ate - Two times at the Central Market Cafe, two times at the Bakehouse; ran errands; napped; time to sleep.
October 20, 2005 (11:00 pm) Lisa and I enjoyed the company of Comrade Alex and Stacey as we all met at the Alamo Drafthouse South with the intention of enjoying the film "Elizabethtown". Survey says - no good. Written and directed by Cameron "Russell" Crowe, the flat story and lame dialog, spread over the course of some 2 1/2 hours, make for an unpleasant movie experience. More as I get myself back in movie review mode.
I'm a big fan of milestones. Life is full of them. I'm happy to report an important milestone in my life. It's been 10 years since the evil cancer was unceremoniously extracted from my body. Actually, it was last Tuesday, but who's counting. Frankly, I couldn't remember the exact date, so I rummaged through my files and came across the bill ($2,650.00). This is not to be confused with "the big one" on December 5, 1995. The first surgery was overnight surgery, the lymph node removal and dissection was a nasty bastard. I'm constantly asked questions about my experience with "the disease" (not really). So as a special Lame Web Page Treat, I've prepared a "FAQ" (replace "frequently" with "never") on the whole ordeal. Feel free to skip over this part if a) you are squeamish or b) there are things about Sid you just don't want to know
Q. Right or left? A. Right.
Q. Dude, did they like cut open your scrotum*? A. No. The surgery removes the offending item and all associated plumbing, thus the scar is on the ol' "bikini line".
Q. How did you know something was wrong? A. I felt like James Bond villain Odd Job had a 24/7 death grip on my nuts.
Q. How long were you in the hospital? A. One night.
Q. How many CT scans have you had? A. Fourteen.
Q. What's the "real" name for the surgery A. Orchiectomy
Q. Seminoma or non-seminoma? A. Both.
Q. Annual number of new cases? A. 7200 (1% of all male cancer cases)
Q. Can you have kids? A. No, I'm a guy.
Q. Do you own a Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" bracelet? A. No.
I hope you've enjoyed that fun, and hopefully educational overview of testicular cancer. For more fun wait until December 5 when I celebrate that milestone with more graphic stories and even some pictures! Did I mention "Elizabethtown" sucked?
* Latin for "nut sack"
October 19, 2005 (11:16 pm) Where do these days go? We had a wonderful time in South Padre with the Brownells. It's so refreshing to get to spend time with Alex.
Tonight was a fine battle between me and Comrade Alex on the tennis court. The countdown to blast off continues. I'm going to bed.
October 14, 2005 (1:03 am) It's way to late for a post of any substance, so check out Erin, Mike, and Posey's blog they've set up to document their upcoming trip to Italy: http://www.italytripblog.blogspot.com/.
Charles has submitted what is easily the funniest "Top Ten List" to appear on the Lame Web Page in a while. Speaking of Charles, he's in town. Lisa and I had dinner with Steve, Roberto, and Charles. Steve made his famous "$45 Flounder" which was actually Halibut but flounder rhymes. So check out the Lame Top Ten section. It's a button on the left.
Random thoughts - Lisa and I had Chinese food a couple of nights ago and we both received the same fortune in our cookies. "You find beauty in ordinary things. Do not lose this ability". Really funny, because it's so untrue.
Comrade Alex and I ate at the Rockin' Tomato pizza buffet today. If we were conjoined twins, would we buy one buffet or two? Two heads but one stomach? One head and two stomachs? Hmmm...
October 9, 2005 (9:41 pm) There are a few updates to report, just not here - check out the new look at www.jimdunlap.net. Don't forget to often visit www.charlesroe.net for the latest happenings from the Roe family. Pictures, music, stories, and so much more. There's a news report from Parker on his visit to the DC area.
Comrade Alex and I played a most rousing battle yesterday on the hard court. We took advantage of one of the three annual decent weather days we get in Texas, about 80 degrees and clear as can be. We played 24 games, he won 12 and I won 12. I happened to win both tie-breakers, but we'll call this one a draw to be continued another day. It looks like tomorrow will not be that day, since the rains are coming. Yankees tied the Angels on a Ruben Sierra base hit, and went ahead on the next at-bat. I remember Ruben when he was on the Texas Rangers about a million years ago.
October 2, 2005 (10:50 pm) Finally, a little Lame Web Page update action. Check out the new and more lame Movie Reviews section. Don't worry, the old reviews will be moved to an easily accessible archive shortly.
October 2, 2005 (10:32 am) Greetings Lame Web Page readers. I'm back from a week in Los Angeles and ready to attack the updates. I removed Al Capone because I think there's an easier way to make those. We'll see how much I get done today. It's Sunday, a great day for Lame Web work. The weather is awful - about 95 degrees and more humid than chemistry should allow.
Today we all need to wish Official Lame Web Page Toddler Olivia a very happy second birthday. I believe the party's at the park. Arlington, VA is forecast to have mostly sunny skies and a high of 82. Should be a great day for a birthday party! In typical Lame fashion, our present for Olivia is on our table. |
