Lame Blog Archive - January - June 2006 

May 24, 2006 (8:15 pm) Well, what do you know.  A minor update, some new pictures for your enjoyment.  Check out the pictures section.  Also, don't forget to often check www.charlesroe.net for the latest from Recife, Brazil.

May 23, 2006 (10:45 pm)  Week four of Sid's Lame Web Page funk.  A severe lack of energy has resulted in a lamer than usual web page.  Not that there's a lack of things to talk about.  Lisa and I had a really wonderful time with Kathy, Chris, and the cousins in Houston.  Big time congratulations to Van and Tasha who both graduated Saturday from high school.  It's really hard to believe - I feel like I'm just getting to really feel close to them and they're growing up.  We have three more high school graduations to look forward to in the coming years.  I have great pictures (about 75 of them), I hope to sneak in those and some more New Zealand pictures over the long holiday weekend.  We'll see, the schedule's already pretty full.

I miss Lame Movie Reviews.  I've seen a lot of movies I'd like to review.  There's a good change I'll get to the reviews of "Art School Confidential" and "See no Evil", as terrible as both were it will be fun ripping into a review.

May 15, 2006 (10:45 pm) Week three of "not feeling like updating the Lame Web Page".  Actually, there have been some minor updates, a couple of recent picture posts (Corpus Christi, some Spring photos) and the very Lame Resources page, but that's all.  In the meantime, check out a couple of web pages that are updated: www.jimdunlap.net and www.charlesroe.net.

May 12, 2006 (10:45 pm) Lisa would like some updates, I'm too darn tired.  This was a hell of a week, we'll see what the weekend will bring in terms of Lame productivity.

May 8, 2006 (9:30 pm) It's been a while since a Lame Web Page update.  I've started a Lame Resources page, check it out.  It contains the Lame Web Cam, email addresses for a choice few in the Lame Web Page Family, and a link to a video of official Lame Dad on CNN talking about a goat.

April 25, 2006 (11:00 pm) Lisa and I are sick, really sick. Just the good old common cold, but pretty full blown. Lisa stayed home from work today, which is extremely rare for her. I have to go to work because I'm the only one there this week. Yucky, sick.

I can't remember if I did this, because I'm delirious with fever, but I do want to thank everyone in the Lame Web Page family for the excellent Birthday gifts. More importantly I want to thank everyone for the calls, emails, and cards expressing "happy birthday". I felt the love, and the love was good.

It's been a while since a long, drawn out current events oriented blog. Let's look at some of the headlines:

From the Internet Movie Database: Takei Joins Gay Student Rally. I point this out not because I care one bit about George "Sulu" Takei or gay student activists. I was stuck by one sentence in the article taking about North Central University in Minnesota - "The college is owned by the Assemblies Of God, an institution allegedly opposed to homosexuality". You have to love the world we live in where everything is "probable", "alleged", "accused" - the fear of making a confident statement, based in truth, is evident. So I decided to navigate to the official Assembly of God website, where we find the following in the "beliefs" section:

"Homosexuality is both a sin against God and mankind. It runs contrary to the divine plan, purpose, and will of God who created us in His image (Genesis 1:27) and redeemed us so that this image, marred because of sin, might be renewed (Colossians 3:10). Most fundamentally, homosexuality is sin because it perverts the created order of human sexuality, the heterosexual fulfillment of both man and woman (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)".

So let's cut the crap and call an assembly of homophobes an assembly of homophobes. Moving on, from AP writer Terence Hunt via Yahoo news "Fox Host Leads White House Aide Candidates". Again, I couldn't care less who is Bush's press secretary. Scott McClellen did an unfortunately admirable job speaking for the President without upstaging him, which ain't easy. A line in this story caught my eye - "Snow has told associates he would like to take the job and he has had serious discussions with White House officials, the Republicans said on condition of anonymity because of President Bush's dislike of news leaks."

Am I losing my mind? Anonymous "Republicans" leaked this news "anonymously" because Bush has a dislike of news leaks? Really, tell me I'm not losing my mind.

On we go to the Lame Web Page Lame topic of the day, gas prices. I listen to a local morning show on my 10 minute commute to work every day. The show consists of an ultra conservative former police sergeant obsessed with "fornication", a liberal sportscaster who does the sports for every radio and TV station in Austin, and a very conservative but well spoken moderator who is also the programming director for the station. I like to yell and scream to the radio "Ed (the liberal), you sound like an idiot - defend our liberal cause."

The topic of conversation lately has focused on the high gas prices. Today the whining was the Government won't take action because with the higher prices comes more tax revenue. That at first made sense, until I did a little research. I, like many, assumed the State and Federal gas taxes were based on percentages. Turns out that's not true. The taxes are per gallon. Texas' tax is $0.20 per gallon, and the Federal is $0.184 per gallon. Granted the sales tax revenue is greater, but not the gas specific taxes.

This is breaking news! As always from my beloved Yahoo news, "Bush threatens to veto Iraq funding bill." That's right, our "conservative" President is threatening to veto a spending bill for the very first time in his five year tenure. Amazing what a less than 40% approval rating will do.

Bush has not vetoed a bill in his more than five years in office. Just for fun, let's see what else Bush is doing to react to his low approval rating. We're already covered the shake-up in the White House staff, and we come across another gem from AP writer Nedra Pickler via Yahoo news - "Bush Eases Environmental Rules on Gasoline" Bush urged the waiver of clean air rules and the repeal of $2 billion in tax breaks for oil companies (as the writer of the story writes "profit-heavy oil companies", who says there's bias in media).

I have a hard time understanding how either will help, and in fact it seems to the average person (me) that the effect would be the opposite. Easing clean air rules? Won't that mean less focus on energy efficiency and a greater demand burden? And reducing that tax on the oil companies, wouldn't a company raise taxes in the face of greater taxes? Of course I'm no expert. The story goes on to write "Still, experts said Bush's actions wouldn't have much impact on prices at the pump".

The unbiased writer goes on to write "The country's three largest oil and gas companies were expected to report combined first-quarter profits later in the week in excess of $16 billion, a 19 percent surge from last year". The writer neglects to put in perspective that the largest oil company, ExxonMobile, made 36 billion dollars on 358 billion dollars in revenue in 2005. Granted that's a record, but let's also not forget that the US consumes about 320,500,000 gallons or gas each and every day, or about 3700 gallons per second, which is also a record. Exxon Mobile sells gas, which we buy in record numbers, and we're shocked by record profits? Shocking!

I wonder what an expert might say? The article notes David Friedman of the Union of Concerned Scientists "said an even more effective move would be to require that vehicles sold in the United States get higher gas mileage". Funny enough, even the refineries note that most of the change to summer-blend (a lighter, more fruity aroma) may not be needed because the transition is pretty much complete. Does Bush pay attention to anyone?

Time to move on to something a little more fun, although still involving Bush. This is awesome - The Rolling Stones booked every room on the first floor of the Imperial Hotel in Vienna days before Bush's people tried to book them for a summit. Mike Jagger and the Stones say no way, they're keeping their rooms, to the chagrin of the Bush people. Who can't get satisfaction now?

Now for a little Lame Sports News, by AP writer Krystyna "Christina" Rudzki, via Yahoo sports news - "Men Still Get More Money at Wimbledon" Writes Ms. Rudzki "Wimbledon insists it's fair to pay the men more than the women. The women call it sex discrimination". Here's the deal - the men's champ gets $1.17 million and the women's champ $1.117 million. The WTA (Women's Tennis Association) tour chief Larry Scott says "In the 21st century, it is morally indefensible that women competitors in a Grand Slam tournament should be receiving considerably less prize money than their male counterparts,"

Tennis superstar Venus Williams, who has earned in excess of $50 million dollars from product endorsements notes "At Wimbledon we would like to have equal prize money to prove that we are equal on all fronts." Billie Jean King, lead singer of Green Day and former professional tennis player chimes in "it is truly amazing to me that all of these years later they still have not stepped up and done the right thing on the prize money issue."

Maria Sharapova, super tennis babe says "Women's tennis players are getting as many sponsors and media coverage as the men... so I don't understand the rationale for paying the men more than us."

I am a huge tennis fan, and I love Women's tennis because there are more breaks of serve and the points are more competitive. What I hate about women's tennis is the matches are so dang short. The women play best of three sets, and the men best of five. Fitness and endurance are greatly reduced in importance in the women's side because of the short matches. Once you're down one set you're in such a hole to think about winning the next two straight. I have to say it seems crazy to pay the same amount for less tennis. Let me know why I'm wrong. Make the women's side best of five and I get to see more tennis and thus I'm a happier fan. Consider this - at the 2005 Wimbledon tournament champion Roger Federer played 19 sets, losing only one on the way to the title. The women's champion Venus Williams plated only 13 sets, also losing just one. I think the only issue here that is sexist is that professional tennis for some reason thinks the women can't play as much as the men. That to me seems antiquated.

On to more sports news - "NFL Suspends Ricky Williams for 2006". Seriously, what is Ricky's problem? To go from all-time leading NCAA rushing back to an out of work drug addict, that's a damn shame.

Moving on to tech news - "Apple unveils pricey, powerful laptop for graphics pros". Apple is offering a MacBook Pro with a dual core processor five times faster than the previous PowerBook G4 and a 17" screen for a whopping $2,799.00. I think this is funny because the title refers to the new notebook as "pricey" at $2,799.00. Consider this - the first Macintosh portable introduced in 1986 retailed for $6,500.00 ($11,200.00 adjusted to 2006!) Even a mere eight years ago the Apple PowerBook G3 Series II was introduced for $2,799.00 ($3,243.00 adjusted). It's amazing to think how much computer you can get these days for less money, and still call the product "pricey".

Now to Lame Climate news, by AP writer Thom Akeman via Yahoo news - "Global warming behind record 2005 storms." The story quotes Greg Holland, a director at the National Center for Atmospheric Research as saying "The hurricanes we are seeing are indeed a direct result of climate change and it's no longer something we'll see in the future, it's happening now,"

He goes on to say that the wind and warmer water conditions that fuel storms that form in the Caribbean are "increasingly due to greenhouse gases. There seems to be no other conclusion you can logically draw." Since logic and Bush go together like Jerry Falwell and George Takei, Bush recently stated "We -- first of all, there is -- the globe is warming. The fundamental debate: Is it manmade or natural. Put that aside. It is in our interests that we use technologies that will not only clean the air, but make us less dependent on oil". Yes, let's put aside the opinions of the experts.

I find parts of this article interesting. From AP writer Jason Szep via Yahoo news. I think you have to have an unusual name to be an AP writer. Anyway, from Lexington Massachusetts a teacher read a story about a prince who falls in love with and marries another prince after rejecting all of the beautiful princesses (but we can still be friends and hang out, right?) in the land. The story goes on to say the fairy (pun?) tale "has sparked a civil rights debate." Let's start here - how is this a civil rights debate? Who's civil rights are being violated? Those are strong words and really this seems a bit more silly. Brian Camenker, president of the conservative advocacy group Parents Rights Coalition, whines that the law is "being abused here" because there is a law in MA requiring schools to notify parents of sex-education lessons.

The school superintendent Paul Ash is quoted as saying "This district is committed to teaching children about the world they live in. Seven-year-olds see gay people. They see them in the schools. They see them with their kids," First off, what kind of school district are you running where some seven-year-olds already have their own children?  Also, are there are gay seven year olds that the other kids take notice of? If I recall second grade everyone is gay because girls are "icky" and to be avoided at all costs, at least until junior high when thinking about the opposite sex is a close second to oxygen in importance to life.

But I regress - the part I like is the quote from the superintendent about the district's commitment to teaching children about the world we live in. I'd like to present a special in-blog mini top ten list, also known as a top five list:

Top Five Books in the Lexington MA Library (to teach children about the world they live in)

1. "A Sharps Container Isn't Just For Diabetics"
2. "Pushing Your Shopping Cart To The Bus Stop Isn't Stealing"
3. "Daddy Took Your Piggy Bank To The Liquor Store Because He Loves You"
4. "Smoking Is Bad But Mommy Does It Anyway Because She Has Low Self-Esteem"
5. "Grandma Likes The Ponies Because She Wants To Increase Your Inheritance"

Alright I know that's awful, please give me a break. It's late and I'm tired. If only I had my daily "lunch with Comrade Alex" to hash out these bits I could present a much more Lame blog. Comrade, a little help with the above list?

Move further down the page, another example of PC gone crazy. From Yahoo news- "Ben & Jerry's sorry for Irish 'Black & Tan' upset". You're probably thinking what I'm thinking. Black and tan, it's the beer drink where a light ale is floated on a stout (Guinness comes to mind). Seems innocent enough, however it turns out the "Black and Tans" were a notoriously violent British militia. Even though the ice cream flavor is only available in the US Ben and Jerry apologized so as not to offend the Irish. How silly does that sound, there's a whole culture that exists solely to offend the Irish. I turn now to official Lame Web Page Irish-person Comrade Alex to set the record straight on this one.

And finally, just for fun Lisa and I composed our Top Ten list of crushes. Come on, we've all had them, so have some fun and try and think of your top ten. If you'd like them featured right here on this very web blog email them to sid@sidandlisa.net. I have pictures and sounds to go with these (some are "voice only") which I'll post at a later date. Google them if you don't know them.

Top Ten Lisa Crushes
Stephen Colbert
John "Flansy" Flansburgh
Weird Al Yankovich (All About the Pentiums only)
Paul Rudd
Zanthus (Voice only)
Isaiah "Dr. Preston Burke" Washington
Robert "Tesla" Newell
Seth Rogan
Rob Corddry
Tina Fey

Top Ten Sid Crushes
Sarah Vowell
Drake "John Black" Hogestyn
Melissa "Natalie" Archer
Kari Byron
Jamie Hyneman (mustache only)
Kelsey Kling
Any Girl in Scrubs
Seth Rogan
Robin "Goldie" Goldwasser (Voice only)
Jack

Until next time, take care.

April 19, 2006 (11:12 pm)  I was thrilled to come home from a walk and find Lisa in the midst of taping a "Happy Birthday" sign above the fireplace!  One day to birthday magic.

A very, very minor Lame Web Page update.  I've added captions to New Zealand pictures part two, Te Anau.  I've also worked a little bit on pictures from our trip last weekend to Corpus Christi with Alex and her family, and some random pictures from Lisa and me.  Here's the problem - by the time I work late, eat dinner, watch TV (Wednesday is my "must see" TV night), and exercise there's not much time left for Lame Web Page work.  Oh well, more soon I hope.

April 10, 2006 (11:15 pm) Apparently Comrade Alex is taking me up on my offer to create your own captions to our New Zealand part two pictures. To celebrate I've made my boldest move yet in our 18 month and counting chess match. Go to Comrade Alex's Red Corner for the latest action.

I'm also proud to present an informative and educational top ten list from Charles, Charles' Top Ten First Impressions of Brasil (sic). Go to the top ten list section and open your mind.

From the pointless files - a random email "conversation" between Comrade Alex (CA) and Capitalist Sid (CS) on St. Patrick's day:

Subject: Happy St. Patty's Day

CS: In the spirit of the day I declined a shower this morning, figuring your Irish self will approve.
CA: If it was a drunken decision, then I approve.
CS: Burp…
CA: Just remember. Drinking doesn’t solve all your problems… but it helps.
CS: Not nearly enough, I'm probably not doing it right.
CA: Run out and get Comrade Alex’s Guide to Getting Blasted Like the Irish. It’ll cure what ails you.

From the "I can't believe Sid did that" file. The time came for me to re-order checks from my giant mega-capitalist fee-a-pallooza Bank of the Great Capitalist America.* At the time of online re-ordering I was given the opportunity to order 7,000 or so return address labels for only $7.00 (plus $29.95 S&H). I like this deal, because I despise writing my address on envelopes. I look through the choices and see one that says "Bee-lieve" and has a small picture of a bee. I choose this, because the bee is cute and the color is smooth and calming. This makes no sense because I'm terrified of bees.** What I don't realize is this is what I chose:

This is particularly stupid because I'm far from religious, and really far from the type of person who would have a religious phrase (adapted to be entomologically humorous) on my return address label.

* For fun, you should know that Comrade Alex had an account at the Randolph-Brooks Air Force Base credit union, and he had a debit card with a US flag on it. Comrade, do they take that at Starbucks? 

** Second after lightening

April 9, 2006 (11:00 pm) Too late tonight for any substantial updates, however I am feeling optimistic that something will happen this week.

April 4, 2006 (1:00 am) As you can see from the time, this is no time for a Lame Web Page update.  Nonetheless, I have plowed forward through my sleepy fog to present to you - "New Zealand Pictures Part II - Te Anau".  There is a catch - no descriptions.  Get ready for one hundred confusing images, half of which are of a rainbow.  I'm going out of town for a week so I figured this is better than nothing.  In the meantime, please create your own clever descriptions and you can test those against the actual descriptions when I return.  Of course, if you can't wait, drop an email to lisa@sidandlisa.net and Lisa will be happy to help.

March 31, 2006 (11:09 pm) What a long week, it's almost the weekend. Lisa and I enjoyed some University of Texas men's tennis this evening. On our way there as we approached the area near the Frank "Erwin" Center we noticed there were billions of people about. We decided to play the game of checking out the crowd (as we sat still in traffic) and take guesses as to who or what was performing. Big hair, cowboy hats, tight jeans, wife-beaters - must be country music. I immediately guessed Kenny Chesney. Lisa couldn't think of a country music singer. We detoured to the tennis match (Texas trounced OU 6-1) and then walked to the Erwin "Giant Rollo" Center and sure enough, it was Kenny Chesney. I was quite proud.

I should also point out that Steve Dutton has sent a draft of his Malta Marathon Adventure story, and let me tell you, it's outstanding- and long.  I owe him a critique, which I'll take care of as soon as possible because I really want to post it to his website.

I'm proud to present a couple of contributions from the Lame Web Page family. First, a rebuttal to my remarkably spot-on review of "Broken Flowers" by Bill.

Broken Flowers, a rebuttal

This was a good film.

Bill Murray palys Don Johnston (Stan?!?), an independently wealthy bachelor going through life in a peaceful, yet somewhat depressed state of ignorant bliss. He is referred to by his neighbor Winston, played by Jeffry Wright, as Don Juan. So we know what kind of life Don has been living. I'd say leading his life, but he hasn't actually been doing that. He floats along, without ever experiencing real emotions. When he tells Winston of the departure of his current lover (as we see at the beginning of the film), he says that he thinks he's sad about it. Well Don, are you sad or not? Losing a lover can be a sad event, but for many of us it's easier to remove ourselves from the emotional impact, and thus deny ourselves the pain and the lesson. Don Johnston has experienced this emotional denial several times.

Then one day, Don receives a message from the past: apparently he's a dad. But who's the mother? Nobody knows. Maybe there is no mother; maybe it's a hoax. But, at the earnest coaxing of his would-be detective neighbor Winston, Don goes on an adventure looking up old flames who are potential candidates. He meets four, three alive and one dead. They are all screwed up in their own special ways. (Dead is screwed up because she has no information for Don, but she does have a lesson.) For the details of his adventure, you'll have to watch the movie. I will just mention that there was a potentially obiovus and silly reference to Lolita which succeeded to be both funny and surreal.

The film is about seeking truth within your existence, and it poses the question as to whether or not one should pursue this truth. Don does pursue. He does not find his son. Now, and for the rest of his life, every 19 year old boy he encounters might be his own flesh and blood. Having grown accustomed to not knowing what is really going on, Don finds himself ill prepared to deal with the reality of not being able to know something when he really wants to know it.

there you go,
Willie

Next, I'm happy to present a story from official Lame Web Page road warrior slash cowboy slash story teller Reverend Ray.

It’s been awhile, I know. Lack of road trips do that to me, stifle the creative process…it occurs to me though that I don’t have to spend hours pushing myself great distances to feel the euphoria of the road. We all take our trips, some of great distance, and some to the corner store. I have long held the belief, that if we treated our own homes with the eyes and attitude of the visitor, we’d feel more fulfilled in our day to day lives…. Get more from our day to day interactions then we might if we let ourselves fall into the groove of complacent familiarity.

So here is my latest road trip…. From acoustic systems to home.

I left work late. There where things to do, and the frantic energy there was this week needed defusing. I hung out and did a little after hours visiting…reconnecting with the other battle weary war buddies, talking with soldiers in arms...all trying to "build the world finest sound enclosures" 

It’s was a nice evening, with my favorite Texas weather…a little humid, cloudy, and with a cool breeze coming across the sky. I feel I’ll never leave Texas for just that reason…. It’s the feeling of a low storm forming, like a little danger looming…if you’re lucky you’ll get some lightning, and the birds will be heading for cover, but tonight there was but a hint of that…. Only the breeze slightly kicked up, and southerly.

I swaggered out to "the truck w/no name" swaggering because I was wearing my old cowboy boats with a sole (soul?) of about a centimeter thick, and the unusual wear pattern my screwed up feet have created, which makes a slight swagger mandatory.

Sensing the wind, I rolled down the windows, made sure Roseanne Cash was playing, I slid in the gear, and let out the clutch. The lack of traffic at the late hour made my normal route effortless, but by the time I made the turnoff to the highway I realized I didn’t feel like going home. Going home meant cooking, and I’m tired of cooking. So I headed into Austin to my favorite place, The Green Mesquite. Roseanne Cash was providing the right rhythm for 45mph, and I made all the lights,

Arriving at "the mesquite" I got the normal greeting, they all know me, and before I could say hi, Tiffany had a dos equis poured, had sat down at my table, and was telling me all about her last couple days. Her face was alight with stories of a spontaneous trip to the coast she and her friend had just gone on, and the adventures that ensued. When she finished her story she guessed what I wanted for dinner and went to the kitchen to get the guys to put it together, Thomas (Spanish pronunciation) came by to pat my back, and asked if I had any weddings this weekend. I said I did, and he shook his head…it’s not lost on anybody how weird and fun this side of my life is. Thomas went to help some other guests, and I enjoyed long slow pulls on my beer. After awhile I looked up to see tiffany across the bar, mouthing the words to me "another dos equis?"…. Holy mother, I found the perfect woman! Yes, I’d like another, (I’d marry her in a second, but what about all the other waitresses? They’re all so nice!) I told her when she brought it, "better make my dinner to go... sally is waiting."

I enjoyed the ambient music, and my beer. I watched people come and go…doing the little dance of life. Finally I knew it was time to go. I left some money on the table, and made my way out…well wishes from everybody. Once outside the breeze once more sidled up to me, and reminded me that God is all around, and I set my food inside the truck, grabbed my pipe out of the toolbox, sat on the tailgate, and enjoyed a nice contemplation of all the rushing humans around me. 

Oh the people. 

Rushing around. All with lives, memories, loves…. huge lives, as huge and unbelievable as my own. Our connection to each other is unmistakable. I hope they realize how lucky they are. I finished my pipe, and loaded myself into the big truck.

I headed toward home. The radio read my will and played beauty. Nico Case has a new song called "hold on, hold on"…and it played me all the way up Mopac. The wind whipped around, gear changes felt sublime, and I was in my element…. 20 minutes later I was home…feeling on top of the world. 

You see; a little adventure…. I had a similar trip to work. But no beer…there was coffee though, and a nice conversation with the lady the cleans and presses my wedding clothes, but that is another story for another day.

I think of all of you often. What you are doing at this moment, what furrows your brow, what makes you feel the love that is most surely all around. Me? Well I’m right here, with a sleepy dog at my feet, a Texas breeze at my back and all the stars in the sky…. Just another Wednesday night. J 

jefr.

March 26, 2006 (10:45 pm) I am seriously tired.  We received a great email from Charles.  Charles, Cecelia, and Olivia are settled in Recife, Brazil.  Seems like a million miles away!

Lisa and I went to a play last night at the Hyde Park Theater.  We saw "The Glory of Living" starring Kelsey Kling and some other people but who cares about them.  It was good and dark, with great performances and a really cool set.

Today we enjoyed the Zilker Garden Festival.  We walked around the gardens, bought a few souvenirs, and ate at Chuy's.  Lisa had been craving crunchy beef tacos.  We bought a couple of plants at The Great Outdoors to add to the ones we planted yesterday.  I'll have some pictures tomorrow.

We talked with Juliet for a long time, or should I say we talked at her.  Goodbye weekend, why much you be so brief?

March 23, 2006 (8:32 pm) A super birthday shout-out to the most special Lame Web family member, Alex.  Alex is out in San Francisco with Cliff, Luna, and Mr. Poops.  She's turning 34 years old today!  Can you believe it.  Happy birthday, my friend.  We'll see you soon!

March 19, 2006 (7:52 pm) Greeting Lame Web Page readers.  Finally, we are proud to present some Lame New Zealand pictures.  Click on "pictures" on the left and hop to it.  Beware, the first (and only so far) set is 3+ megs, and there's a little sound.  Turn down the volume if you're at work.  More soon, I feel on a roll.

March 14, 2006 (11:30 pm) We've been having too much fun with our cousins this week to have time to update the Lame Web Page.  What a great bunch, I love spending time with them.  Tonight we ate pizza and watched wrestling - Rick Flair (old school!) again Triple-H in a death match of some sort.  Then we watched a couple of Weird Al videos.  You can't spend time here without being subjected to a little Weird Al.

March 9, 2006 (10:55 pm) Get ready for a real treat, Lame Web Page readers.  We are proud to present Lisa's annual Movie Review.  It's true, Lisa averages one review a year.  At 1275 words I believe it's the longest of all the reviews.  Lisa presents her review of "Brokeback Mountain".  Unlike "Corruption of Taulon" "Brokeback" is indeed a real film (Comrade!).  Click on movie reviews and enjoy.

Steve has completed his run to raise money for Random Acts of Kindness.  As a special Lame Web Page offer you can still click on the link above and pledge to the foundation, even after he's run the race.  Open and your wallets for a great cause and a great memorial to Valerie.  You'll be contributing to a random act of kindness yourself.

March 7, 2006 (10:40 pm) I can't pass this up, again from Yahoo! news (Comrade!)- "French Journal Says New Crustacean Found". A team of divers lead by Robert Vrijenhoek of the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute institute in California has found a new crustacean in 7,540 feet of water amount 900 miles south of Easter ("Jesus Was Here") Island. The beast looks like a furry white lobster about six inches long. The story notes "The animal is white and 5.9 inches long, about the size of a salad plate" in case you didn't have a grasp of what six inches looks like, hopefully the salad plate reference helps. I suppose it was better than "The animal is white and 5.9 inches long, about the size of the average male erection". Anyway, the referral to the salad plate gives away the ulterior motive of French researcher sponsoring American divers to find this creature. I'm sure the next question is "How does it taste"?

March 7, 2006 (10:38 pm) Greetings Lame Web Page family! Lisa and I are back from the great down under, or whatever you call New Zealand. We had an absolutely wonderful time, and we look forward to sharing some of the 300 pictures we took on the two week vacation. We have plenty of stories to tell as well.

First, let's get to some good old fashioned "blogging". Found today in Yahoo news (Comrade!) - "Japanese scientists extract liquid motor fuel from cattle dung" by Kozo "I'm not a radio station" Mizoguchi. "Scientists in energy-poor Japan said Friday they have found a new source of motor fuel - cattle dung". The story goes on to boast that agriculture engineering professor Sakae "Kanpai!" Shibusawa has extracted 1.4 milliliters of a "gasoline-like liquid fuel" from 100 grams of cow dung by applying high pressure, heat, and "several unspecified metal catalysts".

Let's think about this. I'm going to email official Lame Web Page mathematician to check these figures (lots of conversions) and perhaps double-check my research on amounts. The team hopes to make this process commercially viable within five years. What could this mean for Japan? Here's a look:

> Japan produces 500,000 metric tons (or "tonnes") of cow dung a year

> They've extracted 1.4 ml of fuel from 100 grams, or 1.4 liters (or "litres") per metric ton

> Assuming they can process 100% of Japan's annual cow dung production, they'll produce 700,000 liters of fuel per year.

> Japan consumes 163 million liters of gasoline (that's refined gasoline, not including any other petroleum products) per day, or about 59 billion liters per year. 700,000 liters per year represents about .00001% of their annual consumption.

Here's where I want my facts checked - I found the consumption information on the US Energy Information Administration table, the data from 2002 (for some reason that's the most current for Japan). It's showing their consumption of refined liquid petroleum gasoline as 1,027,000 barrels per day (about ten times that in the US). This just seems like such a staggering amount, I hope I'm incorrect. Bill, do you have time to check my facts? If the facts are correct you'd have to advise Mr. Shibusawa to try something else. Petroleum is created by the decay of organic life, so this doesn't seem like to mind-boggling an achievement. I wonder what the amount of ethanol we can extract from corn amounts to? Perhaps next time...

Moving on, how about all of the whining that "Brokeback Mountain" didn't win best picture? I've read a number of articles, most from the LA Time via Yahoo News (Comrade!) and the tone is generally the same, three reasons are given:

1. "Crash" won because Lions Gate spent of ton of money promoting it in the LA area (were over 70% of Academy voters live)

2. "Crash" won because it's an urban film, and most people are urban

3. "Brokeback Mountain" lost because America, and Hollywood are not ready to accept gay cowboys. Sure, if this was the "People's Choice" awards I can see the argument, but to say Hollywood isn't ready for gay cowboys? That's a stretch.

Not one of the stupid articles even entertains the idea that "Crash" might just be a better film. Granted, I can't give my opinion on that issue because I've seen neither. Lisa saw "Brokeback Mountain" on the plane back from New Zealand, and she says it fails as a love story. Frankly, without the controversial gay theme it probably wouldn't be a blimp on the film radar. Lisa promises a review and we're trying to rent "Crash", but it's out at the video store.

Just to temp you here are a couple of pictures from New Zealand:

Sid and Lisa on their way to the Milford Sound

Mirror Lake on the way to Milford Sound.  I'm not sure why they call this "Mirror" lake?

February 20, 2006 (10:00 pm) I recall something in the last blog about a "full update" before we leave for New Zealand.  You'll never guess - that didn't happen.  Not to say I didn't try; I downloaded Comrade Alex's pictures with descriptions from the great Northwest.  That's about it.  I had intended to work on the Lame Web Page yesterday because we really didn't have anything planned.  We got up to an early start and had breakfast at the Bakehouse.  Lisa had French toast and I had biscuits and gravy and an egg.  Then we went shopping for some last minute items.  I had asked for Sears gift certificates so I could get some more Lee Dockers.  Turns out the selection at Sears sucks, and then sucks some more.  They're just not the same ones I got in New York.  So Lisa and I stocked up on batteries and others things at Sears and then went to JC Penny's.  Lisa was so kind to buy me some nice Khaki-style jeans, two pairs.  I was a little bummed about not finding my dream pants - white linen.  I've always wanted a pair of white linen pants.  We were in line to check out, and like a gleaming white beacon from across the room (as white as the Senate Intelligence Committee, see below) I spot a pair of beautiful white linen pants (with matching shirts and jackets).  I beg Lisa to allow me the pleasure, but alas she says no (I have no money).  She does offer a compromise - I can have a pair of the tan linen pants.  Good enough for me, it's like wearing pajamas during the day - which is exactly how I want to feel today on the plane.

We get home and Lisa says she'll wash my new pants, yippie!  She does, then throws them in the dryer.  When they're finished she brings them to me with a puzzled look on her face.  "These did fit at the store, didn't they" she asks.  I look, and they're a size smaller and about four inches too short.  Turns out they're line dry only, and she blasted them in the dryer.  She re-washes them and we spend 20 minutes pulling on them to stretch them out.  I've looked at them today, but haven't tried them on because I need to take a shower.

On another note, while at the mall I got the urge to get some new glasses and contacts.  I went to the Doctor of Optometry at the Lenscrafters store, and sure enough they took walk-ins and my insurance (as a non-provider, so it really didn't do much).  I wait and wait, see the Doctor for about five seconds, and out I walk with a glasses prescription and some new disposable contacts.  They're the most comfortable contacts I've ever tried.  On we go to the Lenscrafters to try frames.  I see a sign that says "buy one, get one free".  The sign is not really out in the store, it's kind of tucked away.  I ask the clerk if that's the case and she says yes, lenses and frames included, and they just take 50% off.  So I'm thinking I need to get two.  I'm not going to say two pair, because really I'm getting one pair of glasses, which is to say two total.  Whatever.  The fashion these days is oval lenses with no bottom frame.  Lisa settles on one with a copper frame and another with a more pronounced black frame.  We sit down, get talked into the most expensive lenses they have ("Why would you want distortion at the edges?") and two hours later I have two new sets of glasses for the first time since 2000.  Turns out it's a 50% off sale, so I should have bought one set.  This is the first time I've had two, so it's pretty exciting.

Last night we packed, and made multiple trips to Walgreens to get last minute items to care for Lisa's many ailments.  One more trip this morning for some gauze for her massive blister.  I'm off to take a shower, it's T-15 minutes to leaving for the airport!  For Bill I'd like to note "t = 45" so we really have 30 minutes before we have to leave.

Check out www.charlesroe.net for the latest and greatest from Charles ,Cecelia, and Olivia as they prepare for the greatest adventure of their lives (I assume).   Until next time, enjoy a picture of the Senate Intelligence Committee, and don't forget to wear your sunglasses.

February 15, 2006 (11:15 pm) Preparations fully underway for New Zealand, I promise a full update before we leave.

We need your help.  As you may or may not know, our friend Steve's girlfriend Valerie was brutally murdered in an act of random violence last October.  In her memory he friends have started a non-profit organization "Random Acts of Kindness", dedicated to exactly what the title says.  Steve, and Valerie's friends Rena and Betty are going to Malta to raise money for the foundation.  Please visit the link above to pledge an amount per mile Steve completes (he is a marathon runner, so it will be 26 miles) for the foundation.

February 12, 2007 (10:10 pm) Another weekend comes to a close.  I promise a couple of updates before our trip.  I also have some Lame Web Page family business to address.  In the meantime, check out www.charlesroe.net for some great new pictures, and snow!

February 6, 2007 (6:43 pm) I'm such a weenie.  I came back from tennis yesterday with Mat "The Tall Aussie", watched the Super Bowl (not such a super game) with Lisa, and then was besieged by a massive headache.  You know, Lisa's had one for about 6 weeks.  I get one and I stay home from work.  Granted, there were other factors involved, I seemed to have ever bug that could possibly inhabit me Sunday.  I took six Tylenol yesterday before finally being able to fall asleep at about 2am, and I stayed home from work, working from home today.  Fortunately I had brought work home for the weekend so I had my "stuff".

I wasn't in the mood last night to continue the update alerts, but I did manage a few.  Update #2 - A new Top Ten List from Comrade Alex "Top Ten Things You Will Never See on the Lame Web Page".  I wonder why human instinct is to "prove them wrong" when people point out things that are blatantly true?  For example, in response to item #1 on Comrade Alex's list, which is absolutely true, I have posted a timely movie review.  Not just timely mind you, but super timely - it's a review of a film that had not yet been made, or even conceived.  Check out movie reviews for the review.  I invite Comrade Alex to compose a terse reply to my review.

I also posted our Christmas 2005 pictures.  My trip to Sweden last summer will be next.

February 5, 2007 (12:15 am) It's Super Bowl Sunday, or in other words "time to work on the Lame Web Page".  I'll just jot a quick note with every update.  Update #1 - The next move in the epic Communist vs. Capitalist chess match, go to Comrade Alex's Red Corner for the latest action.

January 31, 2006 (10:30 pm) In response to conservative Stephen Harper's win as the next Prime Minister of Canada, Comrade Alex sent me the following email:

From: Comrade Alex [mailto:comradealex@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2006 6:16 PM
To: Capitalist Sid [mailto:sid@sidandlisa.net]
Subject: The Death of a Liberal Wonderland

Comrade,

Oh horrors! Canada has gone conservative-aghhhhhhhh. What the @$%*&! am I going to do now? I just moved within striking distance to the liberal wonderland I envisioned and now those stupid bastards have gone and elected a conservative PM. Why? Why Comrade? I’m so hurt. I’m thinking of throwing in the political towel. I think I’m down, I’ve lost all hope……is this the end of Comrade Alex????? Or will he return in: Never Say Never Commie Again.

January 29, 2006 (10:20 am) I'm back in the Lame Web Page update saddle today.  It's been a weird week.  While the updates have been stagnant, the brain has been churning.  Comrade Alex offers a new top ten today.  I'm working on a new movie review.  Here's the schedule for the day:

1. Eat breakfast at the Bakehouse

2. Watch the Australian open

3. Play tennis or go for a walk

4. Work on the Lame Web Page

5. See "Match Point" at the Alamo Drafthouse

6. Call people

January 19, 2006 (9:54 pm) Here's a good one. I mailed three bills a couple of days ago with only $0.37 postage. I was completely unaware that the price of a first class letter went up to $0.39. Lisa's having way too much fun with this one.

Lame news of the day! From Yahoo news, a story by AP Education Writer (oh, a specialist!) Ben Feller - "Most College Students Lack Skills." Mr. Feller writes "Nearing a diploma, most college students cannot handle many complex but common tasks, from understanding credit card offers to comparing the cost per ounce of food."

Three types of literacy were tested: Analyzing news stories, understanding documents, and basic math skills. Math applications cited include calculating a restaurant tip and understanding credit card offers.

The story notes the average skill level of college students is significantly higher than that of the average adult population. Mr. Feller calls this news "brighter". I prefer "disturbing" - he writes a story focused today's college students inability to perform basic literacy functions but notes the brighter side that they still outpace the general population. Watch out China and India, we're pulling ahead!

The study finds almost 20 percent of students pursuing four-year degrees have only basic quantitative skills and "could not estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the service station." This reveals two things - first, the age of the author is obviously advanced. Yes, back in the good old days you would go to the service station for a fill-up, oil check, and wiper and radiator top-off. Why, the smartly dressed attendant might even turn your crank to get you back on the road. Today, it's called a gas station and you're welcome to go inside where Shamir will ask you to pre-pay for your gas and also offer you a fine assortment of incense and novelty cigarette lighters.

The second point is an obvious flaw in the study. The University of Texas, located right here in Austin, has a student population of almost 50,000. Since we are in America, and Texas specifically, we can assume that 120% of those students drive a car, so that means 60,000 cars out on the roads. The study says 20% of the student drivers are unable to figure out if they have enough gas to make it to the gas station, so we should have 12,000 disabled cars blocking the roads. I drove today, and although there was a great deal of traffic I noticed only one or two disabled vehicles, well outside the +/- 3% alleged margin of error for the survey.

Also in Yahoo news, by Irene Klotz - "Comet sample collection bedazzles scientists." I'm not going to get into the story, however I wonder about the title, specifically the use of "bedazzles". Bedazzled as in Liberace's favorite cape or as in Brendan Frasier after an encounter with Elizabeth Hurley?

In another odd use of a word in a news story AP writer Mike Schneider submitted the title "Unmanned Spacecraft Hurdles Toward Pluto." Naturally, I'm picturing a small craft running towards the moon then clearing it in a single step, then running on to leap over Venus and possibly knocking it over and falling behind in the mission. "Hurling" towards Pluto seems a little more appropriate, as in "to send or thrust with great vigor". Space and thrust just seem so right together. I just realized I misread the title, and it's actually "hurtles", which makes sense, although it's just not funny.

January 18, 2005 (11:00 pm) Lisa and I enjoyed a little "Frontera Fest" tonight, six short pieces presented by a variety of performers. Check out the website for more details. This weekend we're going entertainment crazy - we're planning on one film (Brokeback Mountain, finally at the Alamo) and three "Long Fringe" Frontera fest performances. The level of enjoyment will greatly depend on the condition of Lisa's head. We've entered day 33 of Lisa under seige with no end in sight. Western, Eastern, and ever medicine in between has been tried and has failed. To make matters worse, tonight threw in another ailment. Let's just say "IHOP Pot Roast + hot theater = Lisa needs to get home FAST."

Let's see what's been in the news over the last few days. From Yahoo News - "House GOP Leaders Unveil New Ethics Plan" by Jim Abrams, AP writer "House Speaker Dennis Hastert urged new restrictions on gifts from lobbyists Tuesday, responding to a scandal that already has claimed two Republican leaders and raised GOP fears about this year's elections."

So they're at it again, reforming the reforms. First we get McCain Feingold campaign finance reform that just shifted the massive campaign donations from people and corporations to these silly 527 groups (over half a billion donated last election). Are you as agitated as I am that the House of Representatives has to devote so much of its time debating ways to police themselves? It's just one grand admission after another that "you really can't trust us to be honest people". Stupidly, Hastert notes "The problems we have been reading about stem from violation of existing rules," referring to the Abramoff scandal. How about this - let's elect our representatives with the trust they will act on behalf of us, their constituency. Enjoy the sky boxes and fact-finding missions to Jamaica.

From the editorial pages of USAtoday - Jerry Hennen, an idiot from Fargo writes "Tune out Stern's 'filthy' satellite show. It makes me sick to see Howard Stern, a 50-something divorced man, now make millions being the world's dirtiest, filthiest-talking radio show host." Mr. Hennen goes on to whine that Stern can "belittle the crippled and others who need help" and that America's 12-year-olds are going to learn a lot as "Stern peddles sex talk as never before". Jerry wants the FCC to have oversight of satellite radio as it illegally does over the "public airwaves". You can understand Jerry's position, for as a certified idiot he can not be expected to choose what to listen to and what not to listen to. Stimuli just pours unabated into Jerry's porous brain cells and affects him in uncontrollable ways. By the way Jerry, do you know a lot of 12-year-olds who have the smack to pay $10.00 a month to listen to the radio? He caps the uninformed rant by stating "We can stop Howard Stern by not subscribing to Sirius radio and banning the disc jockey from all radios in our homes." You really think? Yes, you can choose not to subscribe and you can ban Stern from your house, but you won't stop Stern because 3 million people have signed up and that will keep him on the air. You worry about yourself, and I'll worry about myself.

I'm sorry to keep railing on stupid people but come on, the "People's Choice" awards, in which "people" vote on their favorites from TV and film voted "Star Wars Episode III" best overall film and best drama of 2005. Enough said.

Also from Yahoo News - "New Sony Label Geared Toward Gay Artists." Apparently Sony is forming a record label geared toward developing "gay, lesbian, and transgender" recording artists. I don't get it - Madonna and Britney Spears already have labels. If the plan is a label that supports gay artists I don't think Ricky Martin and George Michael can support an entire. Of course, if they think they'll start a label that will both support gay artists and appeal to the gay community they'll be disappointed. As far as I can speculate.

January 15, 2006 (9:46 pm) Another weekend gone.  Lisa and I saw "Hostel" Friday, we were both surprised.  Granted, we went into it with very low expectations and were happy to see it's not a bad film.

I noticed a glitch in the Lame Web Page picture archives.  I've fixed it temporarily to allow you to get to the archives but things will get a little squirrelly as you try to get back to the pictures section.

We're proud to present a new Top Ten from Comrade Alex, presented in ground-breaking "comparative" form.

Comrade Alex sent me a text message indicating it's been raining for 28 straight days in Seattle.  In stark contrast it has not rained in Central Texas in recent memory.  You've probably heard about the grass fires.  Naturally, a burn ban is in effect.  However, did you know that an arson burn is in effect?  I kid you not.  The large marquees on the sides of the highway used to communicate accident locations and Amber alerts carry a warning "Arson / burn ban in effect".  I hope the arsonists are respectful of this and wait until the ban is lifted to resume setting things on fire.

January 9, 2006 (10:31 pm) Jury duty was a let-down.  I go all the way to the courthouse, on the bus for God's sake, find room 900.1 of the annex behind the old courthouse.  I wait in the line to get to the desk to be told which court I'm assigned to.  Finally I arrive and give my name.  After scanning about 500 names that seem to be in no particular order I'm given the room.  I sit, and wait.  Finally the clerk appears and says we're all free to go, the case was not going to trial.  They could have just sent an email.  Oh well, it was a beautiful day to be outside.

We've just completed some more updates.  We're proud to finally present a new movie review, a dueling review between "The Wedding Crashers" and "The Forty Year Old Virgin".  I'm also happy to announce the posting of some new Top Ten lists, from an email string spawned by a list Charles wrote about Cecelia as a joke.  There's a fresh one by Comrade Alex and myself as a response to an email from someone who asked to be excluded from the chain.

In other news - From the Internet Movie Database news - "Cruise's Visit to Secret Scientology Compound" reports that in the late 80s and early 90s Cruise received intense Scientology study and training under the watchful eye of a personal supervisor. Ex-church members report Cruise stayed at a bungalow near the compound golf course and had a special staff to cook his meals, do his laundry, and handle other tasks around the clock.

This sounds like the best religion ever, you figure a totally made up religion is bound to be pretty fun. Book the bungalow, Lisa and I are on our way. Comrade, this is why ours failed - no compound with golf courses and personal butlers.

Also from the IMDB news - "Basinger 'Brainwashing' Daughter with Chocolate Bars" reports Kim is trying to win her custody battle with Alec "Alexander Rae" Baldwin by wooing their 10-year-old daughter with chocolate bars containing manipulative messages. The message sited is "To my daughter Ireland, who gave me the strength, courage and tenacity to stand up for myself... Mom."

That doesn't sound very manipulative to me. She should try something like "Daddy eats kittens for breakfast". Frankly, if the child is going to decide which parent to be with over something as trivial as who offers the best bribes, I say "that's one smart kid".

January 8, 2006 (9:51 pm)  We at the Lame Web Page are proud to announce an update.  That's right, pictures!  Check out the Lame Pictures section for pictures from our New Year's trip to see Olivia, Cecelia, and Charles in Washington DC.  A splendid time was had by all, you'll see that of course in the pictures.

We're ending day 21 of "Lisa Under Siege" as her head continues to pound.  It seems now to be worse at night (like right now).  She should hear from her doctor tomorrow.

In other news, I have jury duty tomorrow.  Lisa and I saw "Munich" today, the end put the icing on the mediocrity cake.  Last night we went down to UT to pay homage to the burnt orange tower.

After the tower we went and enjoyed some Pho ("Shut up and eat your Pho!").  Yes Mom, it's not a Christian Science Reading Room, it's Scientology.

January 4, 2006 (11:29 pm) The game lived up to every word of the hype.  USC quarterback Matt Leinart said after the game "I still think we're a better football team".  Lisa asked for the top ten reasons UT is a better football team.  You only need one - they just LOST to Texas - that's all that counts.  Sore losers, I guess you have to cut them some slack since they've won 34 (or something like that) straight games and have forgotten how to be humble losers.

None of us in the contest was close.  Cecelia and I are eliminated because we chose USC.  Charles and Lisa were close, but Lisa pulls it out in the end.  We'll work on a great present for her.

January 4, 2006 (6:36 pm)  Only 20 minutes until the big game!  Win or lose, we're going to riot and set things on fire.  To spice things up a little bit, we have a friendly wager with Charles and Cecelia.  The winner is determined by adding the differences between the actual and guessed scores for each team.  Of course, you have to pick the winner.  Here are the guesses:

I'll fill in the rest in a bit and we'll see who wins.  The prize is to be determined.  Something along the line of dinner theater tickets.  The three losers will take care of the winner.

January 3, 2006 (11:45 pm) Happy New Year!  Lisa and I had a spectacular time with Charles, Cecelia, and Olivia in DC.  Charles and Cecelia took us to an upscale DC New Year's Eve party at The Jurys Washington Hotel on Dupont Circle.  Check out the link here.  They sold tickets for $45.00 after midnight so you can imagine what it cost for the whole evening.  Thank you C&C, that was a blast.  Coming soon, pictures from Christmas and New Years.  Here are a couple of samples, bear in mind we're all wasted.  Lisa wanted me to point out in this first picture that she's wearing heels, Cecelia isn't, and it still looks like Charles and Cecelia found a troll in the bushes on the way to the party.

I also have some outstanding Top Ten lists to post.  Enough with this day, it's time for bed.

Lame Blog Archives