The Backyard Zoo

by Jim Dunlap

"Easter Rabbit"

"Hey dufus! Where have you been for three days? Somebody forgot the bunny, right? Ever been thirsty short ears? And what about that food bowl? I've been eatin' pine shavings since Tuesday. Man I'll tell you, three months since I left the pet shop and I see one of you humans maybe once a day. What happened to the soft hands and that little girl who used to hug me all the time? That was pretty cool and I have just about recovered from the time I hiccupped and she bounced me off the kitchen floor. I'm still hoppin' with a list to port! You need to teach that kid the meaning of gentle.

And where did you get the idea that I would stay six inches long for the rest of my life? Did you ever read about the Flemish giant rabbit? Here's a clue clueless, giant! While we're at it, this cage is gettin' so small that I don't even have room to change my mind much less position! What about this floor? I can't step anywhere without steppin' in it. Who decided I would like the space between the washer and dryer as my home real estate? That's another thing, how would you like to spend all day, every day, sitting here staring at Harvest Gold porcelain and listening to a zipper bang around in the tumble dry? This isn't a room with a view Mac!

Let's talk about that big dumb dog of yours. He gets to romp and frolic all day while I sit here in this cage. This morning he stuck his nose through the wire and then hiked his leg. What am I supposed to do about that?

Look buddy, get me a gig selling Cadbury's, or get me an adoption, something, anything! Do you even know what Easter is? Read the story, do you see a rabbit in there? There’s another thing. If you really thought I was gonna lay eggs, you must be missing some of the cheese off your nachos! Would it be too much trouble for you to at least pat me on the head during the spin cycle? It sure gets lonesome in here.

Well I see you're leaving again. Could you at least leave the light on this time?"

What I am trying to say here is that pet rabbits are not for everyone and should never be given as surprise holiday gifts. If you have questions about their care call 469-752-1193 and talk to Tammy, Office Manager Extraordinare. If then you think you or your children can handle the responsibility, and you are a little patient, we can get you an adoptable rabbit and Tammy will throw in the cage for nothing. Happy Easter.

Main Page