Phalanger is a family of mammals that number over forty species, which include our opossum and the cutesy koala. They are all marsupials, pouch bearers, and most of them live in Australia. I have six of the ones called sugar gliders. They are all about ten inches long and have the prettiest big black eyes. These small mammals have a web of loose skin that stretches between their front and back legs that allow them to glide from tree to tree in their search for insects.

So, you are considering obtaining this cute little mammal as a pet? Here are just a few things to consider. This little pocket pet, child's first pet, disposable pet, or whatever you wish to believe, is crepuscular and nocturnal. That means when you are sleepy and then asleep it is up and at ‘em. It is hyperactive and nearly impossible to hold still when you try to "pet." It has sharp claws and will make you look as if you have a fairly opinionated cat. It is incontinent and will do numbers one and two on all parts of your person. It lives 10-15 years so think of where you might be then. It will only be happy in a cage that will nudge the ceiling light in your bedroom. Any smaller would be cruel. It is social and communal by nature, and has been known to die from loneliness. It is an insectivore. Do you have crickets year ‘round? It can cost $100 to $400 dollars. What do you drive? Somebody stop me!

If you still want a sugar glider after this, then there’s one of two things: you might make a perfect couple, or there is something else going on that I am not qualified to broach.