July 10, 2008 (8:30 pm) Dawn broke warm and humid over the cracked concrete of the driveway. The sun poured like butterscotch through the sky over the back yard and the asphalt shingles of the garage. An occasional rapier of light pierced the leaves of the American elm forming small round spot beams on roof, and hoods of the Honda and Ford. These spots sometimes highlighted large plops of bird poop. It was routine procedures leaving for work. Key in door, toss in briefcase, lunch bag, gym bag, sit, and insert key in ignition. Before turning the key, as I have been trained, I checked first to see that the AC switch was on the OFF position. Then came the usual rumbling noise. All was well... until. I checked the radio station light to make sure my station was the number showing, and it was then my peripheral vision caught a new light. To the left of the steering column (I love that technical talk!) in bright orange it said, "Service Engine Soon." The word "Soon" just meant to me that I had time to ask questions, glance at the owner's manual, discuss it with friends, etc.

The manual and friends were no help. There were four pages devoted to that light that covered everything from water in the gas tank to a burned valve to leaving the gas cap loose. The dealership service department would have to figure it out. I knew I was in trouble when I was handed the work order to initial here and sign there and the line above already said $89.50.

I got the call and it was almost comical! The service rep began using words that I immediately associated with George Costanza of Seinfeld when he said, "They'll tell you that you need a new "Johnson rod" and what can you say?" The estimate for the service (which to me just meant turning off that little light) was over $1.000,00. He got my response right away, don't do anything and I'll pick it up this afternoon.

I fixed the problem with a two-inch piece of electrical tape, which covered the light nicely. I think I'll wait for symptoms.

Just before I opened the truck door I noticed in the shadowy skeleton of a fallen Elm branch there is a tiny, silent movement. It is a lone June bug that seemed to be in a big hurry to get nowhere. As I paused, silent's slow hiss slithered through the dry, morning heat like a sharp thin blade. The palest shard of Old Lake Highlands sun was just rising over the stunted stand of leftover Ligustrom hedge that one stood tall along the back yard fence. Sorry 'bout this, I had some words left over.

July 4, 2008 (10:30 pm) "It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning flashed, thunder clapped, a shot rang out, a woman screamed," and then..........my cell phone rang. I submitted a children's book manuscript, written five years ago, to one publisher. I really did not give it a second thought because the chances of getting a response other than a rejection letter were slim to none. To my great surprise it was the publisher telling me that the book was a go and that I would receive further info about a contract. "Write about what you know." Horton Foote, This book is about snakes, of course. I may be on a roll; I think I may go buy a lottery ticket.

June 24, 2008 (by Sid the webmaster) Jim Dunlap says "Save the Frogs" by supporting the nonprofit organization conveniently of the same name in their efforts to promote amphibian conservation. The best way to do so is of course to donate, but and equally great way is to buy a Frogs of Australia poster! Australia is home to over 1,750,000* frog species so you'll want to enjoy this poster featuring photos of some of the finest.

*Estimate, actual number closer to 216

March 29, 2008 (Posted by April 6, 2008 again by the very delinquent Webmaster)

I'm Jim Dunlap and I approve this message. Life is funny and I really love just being a student of human behavior. I enjoy sitting (or standing) around and watching. Saturday, 11:30 a.m. Peggy and I were at the LMC feeding the animals as we do every weekend. Animals have never understood things like weekends, holidays, time off, vacations, etc. Along with the animals, we got hungry for lunch. It was decided that I would go to a close by sandwich shop and get some nourishment. I loved it when Peggy said she would continue care taking because she gets a lot more done than I do. I arrived at the shop to find the line completely back to the door. Lately I have begun practicing the art of patience so I decided I would stand and wait. More people came in behind me. The first person in line got his sandwich, paid and walked out. The next customer, a lady, thin, middle-aged (whatever that means) had ordered two, foot long sandwiches. One she wanted wheat bread and the other Italian Herb Cheese. She asked for American cheese on one and Swiss on the other. "Next ingredients?" asked the employee. She stood for a moment, and then said; "I think I want them both on white bread." Quickly the worker changed the bread and returned the ingredients. The lines people began looking around. The lady moved about a foot and when asked "What meat?" She stood, thought, and then said. "I want to change back to the Italian Herb Cheese Bread." The person in line behind me used his cell phone, called and said, "You won't believe this." There was one older gentleman sitting alone in the dining area. He slowly got up, walked over to the lady and whispered something in her ear (obviously a relative) then he stood by the cash register. She completely ignored him. He must have felt like a cookie that needed to go to the hospital because I know he felt crumby! The people in line stepped out and stared at her. Then they, almost in unison, began clearing their throats. "Condiments?" "Mustard, no wait, vinegar and oil. No, just put salad dressing." I could feel the lettuce blushing. "Anything else?" "No." Noticeable sighs of relief from the customers. The sandwich maker then began to wrap the sandwiches. He finished one and the lady once again, "I want those heated " Audible groans from the customers. For a moment, I thought they were going to attack! To add it all together, she waited until she was told the price then opened her purse, searched around, found her checkbook, and began to write. I don't even believe this place accepts checks but they wanted her out!
Ain't life grand?

February 10, 2008 (Posted March 10, 2008 by the very delinquent Webmaster)

Over the last thirty or so years of working with animals that each time I hold one I have grown accustomed to the question "Does he bite?" whereupon I am forced to remind people of the function of teeth. There is one question I continue to ask myself when it comes to animals people take home to keep as pets. For example there are declawed, canine teeth filed, bobcats, cougars, lions, tigers, leopards, jaguars, and others. On a smaller scale there are raccoons, squirrels, opossums, armadillos, prairie dogs, chipmunks, every species of snake you can imagine, potbellied pigs, pygmy goats, and others. People keep these in their homes and call them pets! The animals live in apartments, bedrooms, cramped cages, garages, and are exposed to children, dogs and cats, visitors, and others. Time passes and eventually something happens and the animal must go, if it is lucky enough to survive. My obvious question is "WHY?"

A recent event made me suddenly realize the answer to my question. John Q. Citizen called and asked if we would take a family of parakeets, mom, dad, and four offspring, and give them a home. We do not turn anything down for fear of the consequences. I asked this person why the animals had to go and the answer was because the feeding, cleaning and general upkeep was getting tiring and time consuming. The birds arrived in separate very small cages carried by a person who looked as if when you asked their favorite beer, the answer would be "the next one." That afternoon we began transferring the birds to larger cages when we noticed that daddy parakeet would sit on the cage floor while the mom flitted about the cage. He seemed to suffer from what we call ADR. That stands for "Ain't Doin' Right." A call was placed to the previous owner and the question asked if the male parakeet could fly. The answer was (here it comes!) "They can fly?

Make of it anything you want but on the top of my list is rampant ignorance! I think back on the days when my favorite beer was the next one! They live among us.

February 25, 2008

It was the event of the season! ....er, maybe of the hour. It was the Valentine's Day, PAT'S PIZZA, POPCORN, PAJAMA, PICTURE (SHOW) party. According to the invitation, "Be comfortable and wear your pajamas (or change after the students leave). Feel free to let your hair down..........bring your beanbag chair, blanket, or a sleeping bag." Who is Pat? Well, I knew you might wonder. Pat is the beautiful spider monkey who lives at the Living Materials Center in Plano. She has met over 100,000 Plano students and teachers since she was first rescued over 12 years ago! Pat came to Plano after she was rescued by animal services that found her freezing on a fence after suffering through a winter's night. We can only try to piece together her sad past and how she ended up on that fence. Poor Pat was probably taken from her mother as a newborn baby and sold into the pet-trade. After she got older, she either escaped or was simply 'turned out' on a freezing night. Spider monkeys are from tropical climates and a freezing night could have caused her death. Fortunately for Pat she survived, but not without losing fingers and toes due to painful frostbite. For the past 12 years, we have given Pat a loving home, and in return Pat has been there for all of the Plano Independent School District's students every year. She has served as an ambassador for students to learn about primates, but has also lived alone all this time.

Even though I am aware that these Internet romances hardly ever work out, the Jungle Friends Sanctuary in Florida has the perfect home for Pat. She will be placed with another spider monkey, named Travis, who also has some special needs. All this cost money and if you want to help call me at 469-752-1194
Go to www.JungleFriends.org to learn more about where Pat has gone, and you can read about Travis who hopes to be Pat's new friend!

This just in! According to our friends at Jungle Friends, "Travis and Pat are now living together and doing just great! Although it's not a whirlwind romance, they are very curious about one another; they pass each other in the runway, sit side by side, and for the last two nights they both slept in the indoor enclosure. We haven't observed any grooming or playing yet, but we believe there will be more and more interaction over time." It could turn out to be a marriage made in Florida!
Then there was the Pat PPP Party. I am sure that the staff would never try to get any sleep in the get-ups they had on at the party. I just took off my shoes. Nobody would want to see me in what I wear to bed.

February 11, 2008

Where ? Southfork Ranch, home of "DALLAS" tv series
What ? Required Professional Development Hours
Who ? 2,000 Elementary school teachers
Point of Great Disappointment ? Victoria Principal was not lounging by the pool!
Parking: 1½-football field lengths from the front door even though, arriving early, there were many places near the door.
Why ? Early, quick escape!
Decor: Round tables with centerpieces made up of piles of bite-sized Twix, Snickers, Hershey's Kisses, hard candies (five kinds) and Three Musketeers. All killers for us heart patients!
Text First Session: little green book "Effective K-12 Science Instruction
Chapter Titles (some) Enhanced Context Strategies, Collaborative Grouping Strategies, and others all printed in font size 6.
First Speaker An Aggie: WHOOP!
There was one joke during the whole first two hours; something about a uterus, I forget. One pause for applause for more teacher pay-----OK, I'll give him that one.
**NOTE: Most of the teachers looked like high school students.
The speaker was copious with his use of acronyms; SAT,TAKS, APE, KWL, DCL, NSES, all of which I just thought were ODD. Something else that was different at this gathering: There were two large restrooms at the back of the hall and I really needed to go. There were long lines at both and as I approached I noticed they were all women. A hand-printed sign had been taped over the MEN sign that said WOMEN. I had to walk through the CATTLE BARRON BALLROOM in another building to use the facilities. I did walk up to the women in line and asked "Anybody got five ones for a five? There's no toilet paper in the men's room."

Second Session: Teaching Reading, Phonemic Awareness "...........and in conclusion." 2,000 teachers and the speaker had to ask, "How many of you have had Jim visit your class and pull a boa out of a bag?" I felt old when almost all of them raised their hands. She then proceeded to Power Point, and at one Point it began to go backwards. At least we all got a copy of her book.......videos........and DVD's
All said and done, the meeting was informational.

February 5, 2008

    It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it wasn’t raining and as far as the dark goes, it was night. Where was I? Oh yes, the air was filled with the constant hum of the bedroom fan when suddenly it was interrupted by a loud “bonk!” Peggy and I lay nestled all snug in our bed while visions of health insurance goof-ups danced in our heads. She awoke with a start and slowly left the room to investigate the noise. I would have led the way with baseball bat in hand but she didn’t wake me up. It was 3:30 a.m. Our cats had not even opened their eyes and stayed fast asleep on the living room couch. It was now; I found out later, that I wished they could bark. All seemed to be in order. She looked out the window to see her car and my truck sitting quietly and nothing seemed out of place. Not so F150 breath!
    While backing out the next morning I found myself seeing more of the driveway than usual. My tailgate had been heisted!
    I dutifully made a police report (for insurance purposes) and set about to get it replaced. My first call was to the dealership where the service guy spent 20 minutes telling me what was involved, time required, part availability, delivery schedule, paint requirements, et. al. and all for only $2100.00 !!
    My insurance company required that it be a “used” tailgate and that all technicians that work on my vehicle be wearing white socks.
    It was on to a well known, collision repair chain and while sitting in the office the sales rep got on the phone and located three tailgates that fit my specifications. Eureka! Three days, many phone calls, and four promises later I came to get my truck. I advised the service manager that he should find and hire the tailgate thieves because if they can remove it in less than a minute, surely they could put one back on in less than three days! I left in a huff and when I got home, to add insult to injury, the floor mat on the driver’s side was missing. I will not repeat the later phone call I got for a survey of my opinion of the service of this company!
    I think I know what happened in the first place. The thief read my bumper sticker and thought that, of all people, this truck owner would understand. It reads “COMPOST HAPPENS.”

February 3, 2008

    Occasionally, during my routine, mundane, habitual, boring, uneventful, customary, dull, commonplace, humdrum, monotonous, tedious, dull, dreary, everyday, activities between classroom presentations, I pause and make observations. Most of them never come up in conversations because they are the origin and definition of the phrase, TMI. (Too Much Information) It seems like only yesterday, actually it was, that I visited one of my average of two daily school classes to do my live animal lessons. I think it was on my way in that I realized I needed to visit the facilities. I parked my cart just outside the school office door and advised the office manager that if any of the boxes on the cart decided to leave, just let it.

    There was nothing really remarkable about the "TEACHER" potty. It did bring thoughts of an article I had read about some proposed public pay toilets in New York City. Pay your coins, the door opens like an elevator, the walls are padded to dampen street noises, six little lights come on, and you have 15 minutes, the maximum time limit, and the thing costs more than $100,000 dollars.
    The school restrooms have made progress in the last few years. They now have the "auto flush" feature and there is a "seat cover" dispenser. The flush feature can be frustrating when you spend minutes pulling out the seat cover, tearing the tabs on three sides, and positioning the paper on the seat. Then unless you move your body in just the right manner to sit down, the seat cover gets flushed.

    The seat cover dispenser is the reason I have wasted all this space. About the third time I pulled one out, having already flushed the other two, I noticed the brand name on the dispenser. It was stamped, "REST ASSURED." Yes, I know what they mean but my mind began to separate the words and I have always wondered why it is called a "rest room" because I have no intention of going in there to rest. Don't get me started on the waving hands under the faucet to make the water come on.

January something, 2008

    Just recently I was asked to attend and speak before a special session of a county commissioner’s court. I was supporting a friend's request for county bond funds to build a wildlife rehabilitation facility. The agenda listed 9 items and the meeting was to begin at 1:30 p.m. The room was impressive. Up front there were four plush leather chairs behind a semi-circular mahogany desk. There was water and a laptop at each station. The audience sat in folding chairs behind metal tables also arranged in a semicircle. My friend and I sat down along with at least 20 others most of whom brought their own laptops and Starbuck's or McDonald drinks except for three or four good old boys who were dressed like Lil' Abner and looked as if they drank theirs in the parking lot. Most of the participants wore cowboy boots along with bulletproof shields that doubled as belt buckles.
    My mind was occupied with my presentation, which concluded with lyrics from a John Denver song:
“I am the eagle; I live in high country in rocky 
Cathedrals that reach to the sky.
I am the hawk, and there's blood on my feathers.
But time is still turning, they soon will be dry.
And all those who see me, and all who believe in me
share in the freedom I feel when I fly.”

    The rehab facility would work with all kinds of birds. I was ready for 'em.
1:30 passed, 1:40, 1:45, 1:50, then in walked the nattily dressed commissioners with the county judge in the lead. The meeting was called to order. A person armed with a Power Point presentation and a book full of notes presented the first item on the agenda. One and one half hours passed. I have no idea what the topic covered or wanted. The request was deemed incomplete and passed on to a future session. Give me a break!
    My friend brought along a screech owl housed in a small wooden box. I knew the thought process when the bird came out would be "What a cute baby owl." It was an adult and I was ready to bring up the educational benefits of the new facility. We were number 7 on the agenda. Let me at 'em!
    The next item focused on the building of the new county courthouse. It was not what one would expect. Three county judges took turns (with Power Point presentations) to discuss the seating arrangement in the jury room! They took 30 to 45 minutes each! At this point I was beginning to dislike Power Point presentations. The person next to me had his laptop out an on and just sat there smiling, nodding, and shaking his head. He then decided to type some notes. He used only the index finger on each hand. I later learned during his comments to the court that he was an asst. district attorney. These people brought drinks for a reason. I was nodding off and I was not alone.
    It was then on to fast food to be available in the courthouse lobby, Power......etc. I found myself listening and longing for those three magic words "and in conclusion." The judge then decided to skip around on the agenda. There was a light in the forest!
    And then fear struck the heart. Agenda item number 6. The county geek got up, began speaking gibberish, and on his screen were things like, "20 mbs pipe" then we had "14 terabytes, T1 line for OHS HSDN secure connection" followed by "EYO 2008" Hunger struck me and just as I thought all was lost, my friend was called to the podium. He took out the owl, said a few words about care for the animals and education. The county judge simply said, "I think we can bring this to a vote. All in favor say "I." All opposed "No." The motion passes, congratulations." I did not say a word! 
    The judge called for a ten-minute break, we were out the door, post haste! I feel did my part, and my heart went out to those we left behind.

November 27, 2007

Dawn broke cold over the meadow. I have always considered Snoopy to be a literary genius, As I stood there on the east patio at the Living Materials Center with champagne glass in hand (actually morning coffee), I was observing a semi-celebration. The rising sun back-lighted the large cage, which contained (pay attention now) a Patagonian cavy. Did you hear the one about the girl with light colored hair who backed out of her driveway and ran over her cat? The cat's tail was completely severed. The girl gathered up the cat and took it immediately to Wal-Mart.

Why Wal-mart you ask? We all know it is the world's largest retailer! Sorry, I got distracted, where was I? Oh yes, that Patagonian cavy. It is native to Argentina. It was confiscated from the owner who had over 100 animals that were dying of malnutrition and disease. It arrived basically dead. She was too weak to stand up, totally emaciated, and had a fungal infection that completely covered her right ear all the way down past her eye. We got her veterinary care and I am happy to say she is now healthy and happy. She did lose sight in her eye. At this point I know you feel an overwhelming urge to Google. This might help. A local Office of Animal Control. On the phone we were told they were bringing us a baby kangaroo. We were excited although we have had kangaroos before. The officer walked in, I suppressed a grin and asked as seriously as I could muster, “If that’s a kangaroo, where’s its tail?” Just as seriously the officer replied, “We think it got cut off.”

I enjoy taking “Calli” to classes and listening to guesses. I’ve heard Jackalope without its horns, baby deer, very large rabbit, and of course, kangaroo.

November 10, 2007
It all began on a routine, innocent, unassuming, inconspicuous, unpretentious, modest, humble, ordinary Saturday morning when Peggy and I travel to the Living Materials Center, as we have for many years, to feed the animals. As much as I have tried over all this time to explain, the animals are still unclear on the concept of "days off."

It was perhaps three inches high, a foot long and the color of a UT jersey. Each of its legs was short and thin as an old man's finger. Its eyes were bright as malevolent topaz nuggets bulging from sockets filled with some glistening shiny moisture. Its jagged mandibles just smiled a cute grin. Filled with happiness, I was tottering on the brink of giving him a big hug. The bottle-fed, hand raised, horribly imprinted, and faux pet fox squirrel was out of food. I filled a bowl with his favorites i.e., pecans, almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and sunflower seeds. Knowing that he is not the nicest animal in the room, wild instincts and being raised by humans, no fear of people, etc. I carefully lured him to the floor of his six-foot tall cage and then, quickly mind you, placed the bowl on an upper platform through a small door at the top of the cage. In an instant, and I kid you not, he dashed to the open door, wrapped mostly teeth around my forefinger and thumb and tried to bite them off with an unwarranted vengeance.

I screamed like a child who had slammed his finger in the toy box lid, yelled a few expletives. Squirrel and copious amounts of blood flew in all directions. Peg came to the rescue with paper towels, triage instructions, and a calming presence. I netted the squirrel and returned him to his cage.

It was then off to Plano Medical Center for five stitches and numerous band-aids. They know me there so the story was repeated many times. They were as proud of their one-liners as Rodney Dangerfield.

The squirrel really enjoyed the seeds and nuts. I love this job.

October 16, 2007
It was a dark and stormy night. Well actually it was a warm, beautiful fall day. I was upstairs in the Living Materials Center at the workbench. We have a new raccoon that was raised as a pet and horribly imprinted so he, Roscoe, would live with us as an educational animal. I was working on cage accoutrements, which in itself is painful. I held a piece of wood with a metal bracket attached held on by a single wood screw. I switched the DeWalt cordless to reverse, put the Phillips head bit in screw head, applied pressure, too much I now realize, it slipped and drilled into the top of my thumb, just left of the nail. The blood and expletives flew in all directions. I stumbled downstairs to at least three staff members who all suggested I go to the ER. Not me. I've suffered greater wounds on the end of my nose! I applied pressure and staff wrapped with gauze and tape. It oozed blood.

8:00 p.m. At home it was still oozing blood so we decided I should visit the ER just in case. On to Doctor's Hospital where we circled the parking lot searching for a place to park. One glance into the crowded waiting room and there was an evaluation of the situation. OK, the wound isn’t that bad so we returned home.

8:30 p.m. Still oozing we returned to Doctor's place. We checked in and validated the designated space, i.e. waiting room. We waited. About five minutes in we overheard a couple seated nearby saying they had been "waiting" since 5:00 p.m. Home again, home again.

9:30 p.m. I called "Dial-a-Nurse," and asked "How do I stop this bleeding?" The person said, "Hold please." An inordinate amount of time passed and the person came back. "You should go to the nearest ER."

10:00 p.m. The wound had not ceased to produce a bright red liquid with the viscosity of cranberry juice so we decided to visit the Presbyterian Hospital ER. Parking was "complimentary" valet, and things were looking up. We checked in and were whisked away to the "Speedy Care" section of the ER. Once deposited in an exam room by the attendant who left, a nurse entered. This was looking good. Oh yes, there were two rows of exam rooms and all were empty but one occupied by a little girl with a swollen eye, thus making the total number of patients on this floor: two. The nurse examined my thumb and advised that the doc would be in soon.

10:45 A young PA came in followed by an even younger assistant who was armed with a laptop computer. She looked, turned, looked, turned looked (assistant taping away at the laptop) and left. 

30 min. later. The nurse came in, cleaned, and applied numbing solution, then left. 

30 min. later. PA back, applied silver nitrate, we mentioned the hassle. She left. 

10 min. later. A different nurse came in and applied a band-aid. "Can I leave?" "No, you must wait for discharge papers," he answered.

15 min. later. The original nurse came in with a paper instruction for lacerations. She boldly observed that this was a puncture not a laceration, but read instructions for lacerations anyway.

12:30 a.m. We got home. All things considered, it would have taken one person 10 minutes----tops.

September 1, 2007 (10:15 pm) From the webmaster- Mr. Dunlap presents his favorite lecture, "Ella 101"

July 29, 2007

The gym is the place for Jim to be. From my second day as a member the receptionist, who swipes my card through the computer, does not ask me if I want a locker. I told her that I did not ever again want to see what goes on back there! I remember this old dude (about my age) came out of the shower carrying his towel. I must have looked startled because he asked “What, you’ve never seen a naked male body?” I think I said “No. Not your species.” I don’t want dinosaur arms. So I’ve decided to work out to maintain my bony physique. It is the only place I can watch TV and not feel guilty. I have had some bad past experiences with exercise. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where she is! (ta dum dump!) I joined this gym last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to actually show up. I like to exercise early in the morning because otherwise my brain figures out what I'm doing. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who get on my nerves. I guess I exercise because, like my Spamolot t-shirt says, "I'm not dead yet!"

July 11, 2007

Then there has been another typical day in the life of me. The school bus doors opened and spewed out the day crawlers; their bodies young and spidering along the sidewalk, exaggerated by the single spotlight beams of sunshine that seemed to light their way. Morning pressed down early from the brilliant sky raked by gunmetal gray clouds drifting east across the meadow toward the promise of learning at the nature center. The crowd moved erratically along the concrete trail; their excitement swelled like a balloon waiting for a dart. It was the seasonal group of elementary aged students from Plano Parks and Recreation that had come to see the animals. They came, they saw, they oohed, they aaaaahed, they left.

Then there was the call from Texas Parks and Wildlife that an alligator snapping turtle had been confiscated and would I house it until the case could clear the courts. But of course!

...and my wife and I just returned from "SPRINKLES," a cupcake shop in Preston Center where we both got Dark Chocolate and I'll tell you it was life everlasting.

Photo of cupcake box....where the cupcakes WERE!

July 6, 2007
It's a long time between blogs, but a lot of sewage has passed under the bridge, now in July that sewage would be well diluted, but I had an adventure that was mildly exciting, one-of-a-kind and looks good on paper.

The king was happy that day my friends. He stood fat and stately upon the castle rampart joyously having his surfs fling gold sovereigns to the waiting peasants below. A shiny coin fell to my right and another little kid noticed at the same time. The paramedic assured me the little girl would be all right.

It's a warm spring day in May near the ancient city of Waxahachie (est. 1849) in the year 2007, the smooth bright air around the medieval castle of knights, and buxom maidens noisy with the promise of the gates swinging open. If there were less of a crowd the ersatz stone of the castle ramparts would be seen gray and chunky some fifty yards away through the throngs of anxious guests most of whom were in period dress. The surfs, knights, maidens, and ladies clustered loosely about as pleading venders who were intent on selling you a $2.00 program wandered about.

I could smell the familiar barnyard, zoo stall odor of hoofed stock in the breeze. The smooth bright air around the compound of weirdly dressed folk soft with the promise of the coming rainy July. If there were more of a sun, the half-completed skeleton of a large vender booth would jut brightly some hundred yards away from the field of other booths, which loom like strange, pointed white canvas mushrooms clustered loosely about the dying shadows of the pecan trees. 

ELEPHANT RIDES! What images of the very term dredges up from the scrap book photos of friends in the business, Jim Fowler, Peter Gros, Jack Hanna, all astride the sweating beasts while waving at clicking cameras. There I was in sweat-rimmed khaki; the delicious waft of hot dogs on the hot breeze, mingled with that of the whining flies. I felt romantic and fearless, as resourceful and steadfast as any knight who ever opened the dragon season or went Holy Grailing.

Up the steps, $4.00 American, mounted the tons-o-flesh, along with two little squealing girls (the guy would not let me ride solo--money you see) and off we went. I must admit that the anticipation far exceeded the actual event. It was once around, off the elephant, down the steps, then on to enjoy the rest of the faire. Great stuff!

May 8, 2007
The dawn broke cool and bright. The sunrise poured like honey across the tall grass meadow. A slight breeze made the grass wave hello to me as I backed into my usual parking place and as is my custom, I called the love of my life and discussed the plans of the day. I girded my loins, stepped out of the truck and mentally prepared for a usual day of spring activity at The Living Materials Center.

It all began in about twenty minutes when the phone rang. It was a local professional trapper who said he had picked up an animal from a resident who had found it in his front yard. It was a two-week-old gray fox. The little guy had a boo boo on his lower back that was caused when a botfly laid its eggs in his fur. The newly hatched maggots had eaten a substantial hole in his bun buns. It was off to the vet for treatment.

He will survive and be transferred to a rehabilitation specialist, raised and released in a protected area. This little guy is terminally cute!

May 4, 2007
It was the best of ceilings. It became the worst of ceilings. It was the age of technology, it was the age of poor decisions, it was the epoch of belief that it would be wise to put a multi-hundred pound AC condenser directly above my office, it was the epoch of poor thinking that an AC unit drain would never stop up, it was the season of hot weather, it was the reason of condensation, it was the spring copious amounts of moisture, it was the lack of drywall ability to absorb gallons of water, I had a sag of three inches of ceiling right over my head as I sat in my office chair, I had everything above me, I had no place to go if the roof caved in,—in short, it was time to call in the expertise of the carpenters of the Facility Services Department. The period was so far from the present and after dust and noise, I now have an exposed beam ceiling and I like the present period, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. .....and pardon the Dickens out of me.

May 3, 2007
It was a dark and stormy day. A shot was made. A man screamed out. "I made it!" He had just made a basket, all net, basketball, from mid-court. It was just another every-other-day event at my gym. I have always envied people who are worse off than me out sweating with the other oldies. I have learned a lot during my several years of membership. I have only asked for a locker one time. There were sights in there I don't even want to think about! Almost every visit there is an elderly gentleman working fast and furious on a treadmill and an hour later when I leave, he is still walking. He always wears a t-shirt that has printed across the back "I wish I was 80."

There is really no need for an expensive personal trainer. I just carefully position myself in the area of a member who has one and simply do what he does!

You have to stay in shape. My friend started walking five miles a day when he was 40. He's 67 now and we have no idea where he is. We all know that the advantage of exercising regularly is that you die healthier.

May 2, 2007 
The small gator moved silently through the aquarium water propelled by short sweeps of its purse-with-a-pulse tail. The mouth was open just enough to permit immediate seizure of any human body part that might wander into its domain. The eyes were sightless in the dark water, and the other senses suddenly transmitted the surface of the water breaking the surface. The mouth closed on the ill placed hand. A scream rang out! There was blood squirting into the air. A day without sunshine is like night. Well duh! When it concerns wild animals, do humans suddenly lose a lot of cheese off their Nachos? Do they suddenly come up a few fries short of a Happy Meal? Do they find themselves a few bricks shy of a load? This week I have taken in a one year old red fox that has a collar and rabies tags. Then came a horribly obese raccoon complete with neck chain and ID tag. Then there was the escaped pet three-foot long American alligator that was captured behind a department store parking lot.

It is virtually impossible for a wild animal to adapt to traditional household living. It is also impossible for a pet owner to change natural reactions in wild animals or to predict when wild "instinctual" behavior will occur. 

Then there is the distinct possibility of rabies, ascarid worms, tapeworms, flukes, protozoa, TB, common colds, measles, chicken pox and parasites. Do you want this for your family? This soapbox is beginning to crack and list to port so I'll just say, adopt a dog or cat and be done with it! 

April 28, 2007 
"I think that I shall never see, a poem as lovely as a tree.” I purchased an early Mother’s Day gift for my wife. The nursery employee convinced me that this was the last one he had and would give me the "nice face" discount. I knew I saw at least twenty trees behind the greenhouse that looked a lot like the one I bought but I'm no botanist. Here's to the neighborhood dogs whose owners have yet to figure how to catch urine in a plastic bag, hike your legs in celebration!

April 21-22, 2007 
It was Saturday morning. The meadow grass east of the parking lot was as flat as gelatin. There was no whisper of a breeze to sway the grass. Now and then a cooper's hawk would streak across the sky in pursuit of a bird that had strayed from the cover of the trees. The sun sucked waves of warmth from the lined cement. Soon it would be covered with vehicles that carried faces from the past. The guests drove under the speed limit along Spring Creek Parkway, not sure they were on the right street because the last time they were here, it was Shiloh Road. They pulled hesitantly into the parking lot.

Inside the Holifield Science Learning Center the staff had cleaned, shined, polished, scrubbed, changed bedding, used toothbrushes to clean corners, and you could used any surface in the building for your lunch plate. There were tables in the lobby with food fit for a squire (king might be a bit of a push) and flowers on every table. It was the Thirtieth Anniversary Celebration of the program. There was a lot of forgetting, some remembering, silly grins and hellos and handshakes between people who suffered from CRS (Can’t Remember S_ _ _!) and could not remember a thing. It was a blast!

April 26, 2007

It was a typical day at work. One of the donated rabbits escaped her cage. She ended up under the food prep room fridge where she backed into the compressor fan: disaster! A citizen brought in a baby possum that was much too young to leave the pouch. Momma possums are really good at having babies. They are not so good at math. They often leave a baby behind as they move from one place to another. We took in an aberrant patterned "designer" python from a young man who said he had to give up his snake because of a change in his home situation. He also mentioned he had paid $1000 for the snake. I can imagine how his "home situation" changed.

April 3, 2007

It seems like only yesterday when I was sitting on my end of the couch, calmly watching a VCR tape of my collection of TV test patterns, when I coughed. It turned out to be the biblical “In the beginning…” First the onset of a FPE that was followed in the MICU by a MI. I then received an ELD, “CLEAR! WUMP!” (I missed that part.) My CHF had reared its ugly head. I arrived at the ER and was greeted by my many friends who work there. They immediately did an EKG and had blood drawn for TH60 levels, no wait, that's my new AC thermostat, I meant HE levels. I had an elevated CRP and the doctors decided I needed an ICD just in case of an SDS. I now have a LC modem in my bedroom that can monitor and control my heartbeat from anywhere in the world. Guess which doctor bill I will pay first? "Hello Mr. Dunlap? You missed a payment on your bill. Goodbye (click) Arrrgh! I'm fine now although I have a severe case of acronym TNTC!

March 30, 2007
It was late, we were hungry, and I can’t eat anything I can taste, so it was off to do some vegetarian at Café Brazil. The raging thunderstorm had thinned the usual crowd and we got a table instantly. I could not have thrown a rock and hit another customer. “What would you like to drink?” asked the guy in the t-shirt. My wife ordered hot tea and I asked for iced tea. We waited, and waited, it must have taken him at least three minutes to return with the drinks. Hers was in a soup bowl with a handle. Mine was in a tall, maroon tinted, plastic glass with “Coca-Cola” printed on the side.

Lemon in tea makes no sense to me so my wife took the wedge and I am never sure what she does with it. The tiny packages of assorted artificial sweeteners abounded so I just randomly picked a couple. I gave the packets the obligatory two flicks, dumped the contents in my tea, stirred vigorously, and it was time.

I lifted the sweaty glass, one swirl, and the first introduction. It seemed slightly appley, a full, fruity, clean smell. The ever so slight acescence was the result of my choosing to place my lips on the very place on the rim where the lemon wedge had been wedged. I knew that the ever so light tannic astringency would decrease as time passed. The attack was strong and flavorful, not feeble as one might expect at Appleby's. The intensity and character of the taste was raisiny and not tired in the least. This tea had backbone, big, full-bodied flavor. The balance was divine, a harmonious balance of tea elements with no individual part dominant, not in the least cloying. This tea must have been allowed to breathe after leaving the spigot of the large metal container. The decanting was expertly done. It must have been allowed to flow slowly and carefully into in this plastic glass in order to leave any sediment in the original big metal can before serving. Almost always a treatment confined to fine iced tea. The traditional method uses a candle flame as the light for illuminating the spigot while the tea is passing by. The low intensity of the light is ideal for viewing since it does not strain the eyes. Care must have been taken NOT to allow the flame to heat the tea while performing this ritual.

This tea was allowed to breathe. The admixture of air released the pent-up aromas, which became pronounced as minutes passed. Although the taste was vinous, it had good character but it suddenly became a dull experience. The style was bold and definite, jaunty and a little pesky.

The taste was pronounced but pleasing young and eager, begging to be drunk. It had depth that demanded more attention. This tea filled my mouth with a developing flavor; there were subtle layers of flavor that went deep. It was mouth filling possessing intense flavors, which seem to affect every sensory nerve in my mouth. The farewell was soft and lingering. I perused the menu and ordered from the right as usual. My wife ordered the to-go container and something to put in it. We went home and watched Seinfeld. For a $1.79, the tea was pretty good.

March 26, 2007

What a Monday I have had. It all began at 5:30 a.m. when my alarm sounded and ends now as I sit in bed writing on the telephone pad. It has been an amazing day. Nothing happened! I do remember having a little trouble tying my shoe lace. It was the left one, if memory serves. I went crisscross and over the bridge, which obviously was incorrect because we all know I was supposed to go under the bridge. As I drove to work I listened to the traffic report on my radio and as usual heard of all the accidents, stalled vehicles, overturned eighteen wheelers, and slow traffic. I was traveling north on my usual route; me and this other guy. His brake lights came on once but I couldn't tell why. I got to work and began to prepare my morning coffee on the break room counter. Cup, coffee, Splenda, fat free condensed milk and then I couldn't find a spoon! I took a knife out of the drawer and stirred. I spilled a bit on the counter. Later in the day I found a leaf on the floor mat of my truck which I removed immediately! I'm going to sleep now. Boy! What a day!

March 25, 2007

Am I really blogging? I'm just sitting here watching the Lame Web Cam. My son seems to be building something in his living room. I'm told it is a catbox. From here about all I can see is his back because he seems to be spending a lot of time contemplating his next move. Film at 10.

July 17, 2006

It was a dark and stormy night. Lightening flashed. Thunder clapped. A telephone rang out. I was checking my answering machine at work. Message one: "Dr. Dunlap, my Oscar is sick and I thought you might be able to give me some advice as to what to do." First of all, this person does not know me because I do not have a PhD. Secondly, how many people would even know what he was talking about. I get some really strange calls. If you are still reading, the Oscar is a tropical fish. This one had a boo-boo on its lip. I called and gave him the advice appropriate for the circumstances. I told him to take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

June 21, 2006

It is a hot June night in Old Lake Highlands. The smooth black air surrounding the house was soft with the promise of the coming bedtime. If there was more of a moon, the skeleton of the bird feeder would hang darkly just outside the living room window. It is silent now as the squirrels have already gone to bed, or wherever they go. The heat dwindles from sweltering to just hot. The silence tainted only by the sound of the Seinfeld theme twanging from the Panasonic TV. I glance at the floor in front of me and the cats are lying side by side on the rug. They know. The cats always know. Sleep is out there on this fine evening. The soft bed beckons. I will wait, but only for a while for the lids are at half-mast. Good night and good luck.

May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day, and it has been a mother of a week at the nature center where I work. (Ha! Ha!). I am always accused of getting somebody's goat but last Monday I literally got a Billy goat from the local Animal Control Department. The Sunday before, this goat had escaped from the ranchette where he lived and traveled to an elementary school nearby. He apparently saw his reflection in the front door glass and thinking it was a rival goat, he repeatedly head butted the door until it shattered. He then entered the school and wandered the halls. All this Bovid vandalism was caught on security camera. By sheer coincidence that very afternoon a reporter friend called to ask if there was anything going on that he might use. I offhandedly mentioned the goat incident and a half hour later he appeared at the Center, camera rolling, and began interviewing the goat and me. It was "exclusive news" at six o'clock. The next day there were four other local stations that showed up and did the same thing. On Tuesday I got a call from Norfolk, Virginia to learn that the story was on CNN. I've been the butt of all the goat jokes ever since!

Next we had the story of a guy traveling down a rural road in East Texas when he came upon what appeared to be a large dog lying on the roadside that had been hit by a car. Upon closer inspection it was a mother wolf with a four-month old pup snuggled at her side. He brought the pup to us in a well-used pet kennel. At first I suspected someone had purchased a wolf hybrid, found out it was a bad idea, and was trying to unload it. Then I heard the puppy howl. I figured that if it looked like a wolf, acted like a wolf, and sounded like a wolf, then it must be a goat. Oops! I mean it must be a wolf.

On Wednesday, a citizen came to the front door with a shoebox containing a coyote pup. I estimated it to be about three weeks old. The story was that the pup was picked up while crossing a rural road. That is a stretch for a pup with closed eyes. It did well to propel himself in any direction! Sounds like pup-knapping to me.

Later that same week yet another person showed up at our door carrying two large plastic tubs. Each contained a Sulcata (African spur-thighed tortoise) and the staff did all they could to remain professional. These animals were about ten years old according to the owner and they had heads and feet like tortoises but that is where the similarity ended. Their shells were deformed to the point that they looked like a bagel that had been cut in half. When questioned about their history the person said they had been purchased as pets as hatchlings and raised in a large tub in the garage. The shell deformity is the direct result of no sunshine and a very poor diet. These tortoises will become my poster children as examples of animal cruelty.

I have learned a valuable lesson this week and was reminded of another. First of all, a goat will not eat a tin can, but he loves to gnaw on the label. Secondly, hoofed stock and wild animals should NEVER be kept as pets.

April 20, 2006

It was about 5 a.m. at Baylor Hospital in Dallas. I was in a waiting room waiting (hence the name) when the phone rang. The attendant called out, "Mr. Dunlap." I hurried over, "Hello." Dr. Wells simply said, "It’s a boy and it’s a keeper."

Then began the Easter egg hunts, Cub Scout camps and fishing, the Pinewood Derby (our gray block of wood with wheels didn’t win, but we didn’t care), Pecos wilderness in New Mexico where we got stuck in the mud on a mountainside, cello recitals, driver training in the parking lot of a Baptist church, graduations, marriage, and the list is endless. It was a good day then, it is a good day now.

March 16, 2006

BREAKING NEWS! That seems to be the way all news programs begin even though their lead story happened the day before. My wife and I just got to celebrate Christmas in March. A good friend who lives in San Francisco mailed our presents recently. I know the timing is a little off but you know how these Californians are. My wife received a DVD set of her favorite TV series, "Tales of the City," and I got a book, "Living on the Edge" by Jeff Corwin, one of my favorite animal persons. I also got a new 'squashed' souvenir penny from Disneyland. I am slowly filling "The Penny Passport" book and I am so excited! Knowing that, perhaps I should move to California.

March 4, 2006

Once again I have been given the bird. This in itself is not that unusual but this one came with a story. A supervisor from a regional office of animal control called and asked if I would house a confiscated parrot for a yet to be determined period of time. I do that with all kinds of animals for different agencies often. Then came the story. A routine drug warrant was being served at a neighborhood residence. Suddenly shots rang out, two S.W.A.T. teams were called, officers were wounded, armored vehicles were used, and the front of the house was literally pushed in. Bullets whizzed, the air was a cloud of tear gas when a team of officers rammed a bedroom door and stormed into the room. Through the haze a very loud but clear voice rang out.

"Get your xxxxxxx xxx (expletive deleted) off my property!"

Count the x's and insert one action verb and an anatomical noun. That exclamation was followed with a loud squawk. The only living thing in that room that wasn't armed to the teeth and in a uniform, was a very large, and obviously upset, scarlet macaw.

I have yet to find out his name but I secretly refer to him as "Stash." For his time with us he has a very large cage in our quarantine room and the door stays closed during the day when there are classes in the building. He has not said a single word and he gets along well with one of our animal caretakers. I know you are thinking that we repeat his phrase to his face to urge him on, but we don't! That's my story and I'm stickin' with it.

February 26, 2006

Breaking news! After a great deal of coercion and certain amounts of pressure, I agreed to prepare the evening meal. I made a whole pot of minestrone soup. First of all the kitchen is like a foreign country to me. My usual contact with that room of the house is when I enter the back door on my way to the living room, make a glass of iced tea, make a piece of toast for breakfast or get a Popsicle out of the freezer. I was armed with a recipe, a bowl, twenty or so ingredients, and some tools I had never even seen before. I learned a lot of things. Do not try to ask your wife questions through the bathroom door while she is in the shower. You cannot open a can of black beans using a garlic press. When using a garlic press although it does press the garlic there is nothing left to put in the soup. There is no "1/3" cup mark on a measuring cup. There is only one side of a vegetable peeler that actually peels. When you peel a veggie there should be something left to put in your soup, and it will also peel fingers. It is not necessary to grease the muffin pan if you are going to use paper muffin cups. After mixing the ingredients of cornbread batter until slightly lumpy, you must let it "rest" for two or three minutes before you mix it again to put in the cups (did I tire it out?). There is a difference between slicing, chopping and mincing. Do not try to slice a zucchini the same way Emeril does it if you enjoy having fingernails! There should be sideboards on a cutting board or you will find carrot chunks under the refrigerator. Enough flavored croutons and lots of parmesan on top of anything makes it taste good.

It must not have been that bad because I am on again for next Sunday.

January 28, 2006

My last entry showed a rat was having a bad day when..........

This has been a standard routine day of feeding animals, grocery store shopping and cabinet door hanging. Who could ask for anything more. There was a brief luncheon at a Chinese restaurant next to the Angelika where a dance team was doing the dragon dance in celebration of the Chinese new year and the year of the dog. It was interesting.

January 6, 2006 Friday

This day is always interesting. Katy, my 31 year old, 19 foot long Burmese python must be force-fed. It's like spoon-feeding an old person only there are a few differences. Materials needed: one experienced veterinarain, one veterinary assistant, four staff members who don't mind holding onto a writhing snake that is stronger than all of them put together, six freshly killed medium sized rats, one large tube of KY Jelly, one pair of surgical scissors (the dowel rods are large in diameter) and two wooden dowel rods, eighteen inches (plunger) and twelve inches (pry bar) respectively. For preparation just try to imagine a rat-kabob, basted with a thick slathering of KY Jelly. Katy's mouth is gently pried open and the rat-on-a-stick is pushed down her throat head first. Then come throat massage to move the rat down to the stomach. What did you do today?

December 25,2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS, NOW I'M GONNA GO OPEN MY FREAKIN' PRESENTS!

December 16, 2005 Friday - It was late afternoon, and a first for me. A regional Office of Animal Control director (which will remain anonymous due to legal ramifications) called and asked if I would take in a snake for him. I take snakes from animal control at least once a week so this one appeared no different. He asked that I keep it for ten days because it was evidence in a court case. Again I agreed but curiosity took over. This snake, an African ball python, belonged to an exotic dancer and was used in her act. During her performance one evening she must have done something that was considered illegal because an under cover policeman confronted her onstage. She began to beat the officer over the head with the snake!! Nuff said?

December 12, 2005 Monday - Great weekend---except for one memorable Boston Market turkey and Swiss sandwich. First of all, no Swiss! The turkey suffered a lot of stress before he succumbed to the knife. I got sick and the smell of that turkey was on my fingers two days later! Which side of a turkey has more feathers? The outside!

December 7, 2005 Wednesday - 7:00 a.m. Cardiac Rehabilitation, sweatin’ with the oldies, and there was some music playing too. Picked up Fox Mulder from the surgeons. His before X-RAY looked like a crushed coffee cup in a pan of Jell-o. His after X-RAY looked like a tiny Golden Gate Bridge in a pan of Jell-o, but now he can walk.

December 6, 2005 Tuesday - I have just returned from a veterinary “specialist” who will perform major surgery on our resident Fennec fox. He managed to break his leg (?) and had to have special tiny instruments shipped in from El Paso for the surgery. His name is Mulder and if the operation is a success, he promises to script an episode of The X-files or his name isn’t Fox Mulder.

December 4, 2005 Sunday - Oh now I get it. “Blog” really means “Blah, blah, blah!” So be it.

December 3, 2005 Saturday - A tree grows in Brooklyn (the living room) For those who noticed, correct spelling is not my forte (pronounced "fort"). Oh no, it's not a typo, I just can't spell. You have my permission to whip out your felt tip marks-o-bunch and make the correction right on the screen. There, now we'll both feel better.

December 2, 2005 Friday - Following these drivers to work this morning made me realize something. I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, curse under my breath, and complain vehemently. Heard a good on at the Exon where I stop on the way to work to get my second cup of coffee. If Bush were the captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for the ice. I get a break today there are only 11 5th graders in my Venomous Snakes of Texas class. Why isn't that pronounced onety one? I'm almost at work and getting' bored. I think I'll pull over to the curb and point this old hair drier out the window.

December 1, 2005 Thursday - All the signs lead to Christmas card time. I'll work on mine this morning. This year, in a cost cutting move, I think I will use some donated blank envelopes (They have some Insurance Company's return address on them) from my office. I'll just open the flap and on the inside I'll write "OOP'S I knew I forgot something! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I have as much holiday spirit as anyone else, but why not save a tree.

Massage today at 5, uummmmmmmm!! ...and she does them back to back!

November 30, 2005 Wednesday - Still thinking about "STAR WARS, Revenge of the Sith" we rented last night. I think I may be a red-neck because I kept saying "May the force be with y'all." My daddy would have said "Shoot son come on over to the dark side*It'll be a hoot!" Only watched half of it last night, the rest is tonight before "LOST;" long movie.

November 29, 2005 Tuesday - Lost sleep. Saw a doctor yesterday late. When a doctor listens to your symptoms, and then he says "If there is a problem, over time, it will manifest itself." So what if I don't make it through the manifestation????? I was tempted to ask him a complicated medical question like: 
Metric conversion- How many feet in 0.0 meters? 
I have all day sessions with 160 preschoolers today and showing them nocturnal animals. I won't have time to think about myself.

November 28, 2005 Monday - T.G.I.M. (Thank Goodness It's Monday!) Sad isn't it? I love my job, what can I say? I skipped my gym workout this morning thinking that I was to make an appearance at a middle school assembly at 7:55 a.m. A principal lost a bet with her students concerning how many pages they could read over a measured period of time. Guess what? What language is spoken in France? (duh) I brought a big lizard that she was supposed to kiss. I am told at the door that the assembly was held Friday, using a pet lizard that belonged to a teacher. Didn't I get the email? That was an hour of my life I will never get back.

November 27, 2005 Sunday - Well I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt. And the Sprite I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one more for desert. Then I fumbled in my closet, through my clothes and found my cleanest dirty shirt. I washed my face and combed my hair and stumbled out the door to meet the day. Feed Animals, eat leftafters (what's left after leftovers) for lunch and then to Central Market for shopping and snacks What more could one ask from a Sunday?

November 26, 2005 Saturday - Went to work and fed the animals as has been my routine for low these past 30 years. Wife is becoming better at it than I. She is meticulous and does not miss a water bottle. Coming home we stopped and bought our Christmas tree at Kroger. One month early you say? It now hangs in the garage with its base in a bucket of water like a criminal suffering from justice. You must get a fresh one! 

November 25, 2005 Friday - The radio blared "Have A Holly Jolly Christmas" Burl Ives, so Thanksgiving must be over. The last thing I remember was gathering at two tables covered with food, filling two plates and commencing to consume mass quantities. Burp! This morning Son begins the process of installing what he calls a new "mother board" in our home computer. The sounds I hear coming from the back room indicates it is actually a "mutha" board. Breakfast at Cafe Brazil, A&M vs. Texas football and what more could one ask from a day. 

November 24, 2005 Thursday - I got up, got dressed, and came to work. "There, that's a show." Wife is at home honing the abode for the impending arrival of hungry people. She suggested strongly that I "take my time" feeding the animals. I do not need to be reminded that I am just in the way when work must be done. 
In light of the day at hand, I am thankful for:
-my gargantuan utility bills for it means my family is watered, warm/cool and well lighted.

-that blaring radio alarm that woke me early this morning for it meant I am alive.

-my son and daughter-in-law having to drive all the way here from Austin to be with family for it meant that they are not on the street, in the hospital, or in jail.

-the taxes I pay for it means I am employed. 
-the space at the far end of the Kroger parking lot because I was capable of walking to the bakery department to get some rolls for the big dinner.

-those clothes I wear that I can't button because it means I get enough to eat.

The fact that I am standing in my bedroom gazing into the full length mirror has nothing to do with pausing to reflect. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

November 23, 2005 Wednesday - 1:35 a.m. I awoke with a stinging sensation in my right clavicle. I grabbed the offending pain and pulled. OOooooooh! Wife wakes and says "Whaaaa?" I had found that last sticky electrocardiogram connection. Free at last! Even with all the pre-turkey day preparation, we still took time for a movie and dinner at Desperados. We saw "RENT."
As I sat mesmerized watching this musical from my under padded AMC seat, the word "exquisite" kept coming to mind. To me, it is an appropriate word to describe so many elements of the film. While this "made for movie" show isn't perfect, and some of the criticisms leveled at it are quite fair, I'll take an exquisite musical like this any day. There are so many things, ranging from the beautiful direction to the magnificent performances to the impressive design that stand out in watching "RENT." First of all, unlike so many musicals these days it is dramatic and involving. Another of the show's major assets is its atmosphere and the consistency it has achieved in tone and feel. All the elements work in unity. "RENT" truly transported me in the way that musical theater, when it works, is supposed to do. Yeah, like I know what I'm talkin' about. How's zat for saying a whole lot of something without saying anything? Opinions are like noses, everybody has one.

November 22, 2005 I have always wondered what disease ham had before they cured it anyway but this morning I visited a nuclear stress lab to see if I had some clogged plumbing. As I undressed in preparation for the procedure, it gave all new meaning to the oxymoron: pretty ugly. The doctor left the room which is strange because he would see me naked anyway. I was injected with a radioactive isotope. I felt like I was glowing much like cat pee does under a black light (it does, by the way). Then it was on to the dread mill. I suffered for seven full minutes before she slowed it down. Then back to the scan machine. Other than the terrible faces the technician made when viewing my scan, I would say all went well. I took my paper work to the first clerk in the cube farm and I was free at last, free at last! I survived and that is good because I would always wonder that if the hearse carrying my bod would get a ticket if he drove in the carpool lane. It gives much more meaning to my bumper sticker: "EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY!"

November 21, 2005 Stop the presses! I actually have something today! I came to work early so I could show up at a school assembly because a principal lost a contest with the students concerning how many pages they could read over a certain time period. I was to bring a lizard and the principal was supposed to kiss it. Well that assembly was Friday and I could not work it into my schedule. It was still on my calendar. (I forgot!!) It seems I stopped to think, and forgot to start again! Then when I got to work, someone was parked in the handicapped parking and no sticker or plate was apparent. I gotta put up a new sign: "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. PARK ELSEWHERE!"

November 20, 2005 - On my way to feed this morning, wife driving, I had time to really observe the route I have taken for the last twenty years. I got caught up on the drivers. God must love stupid people; He made so many! Turn indicator on and slowing to 5 mph, three blocks before the turn! Not only that, why do most people feel they must stop before turning right? If you are following a headless driver, expect trouble. Pulling out of a side street into 40 mph traffic, and doing 20 mph! The gene pool needs a little chlorine. I wish for patience every night, and I want it right now!

November 19, 2005 - Today should be very exciting! (NOT!) We are going to the IKEA store for the first time. The instructions printed in the Dallas Morning news were frightening to a person who will not shop at Sam's because of the necessary membership card. Parking: when you are through shopping you can reserve a space in the loading zone and send a buddy to get the car (no squatters please) What? Pick up a "loaner" yellow shopping bag from the bin or you may purchase a blue bag. These take the place of the shopping cart. What? Pick up a map (with space on the back to list your faves) a pencil, and a paper measuring tape. What? Red tag, self-serve item, lists isle and bin number. Yellow for larger furniture items and you'll need to find a co-worker who will print out a booking slip. What? It gets worse but I get a headache. I'll go to Target.

November 18, 2005 - This just in, and I know it is true because I heard it on the radio. A new study out of Atlanta shows that people who switched to de-caf coffee, in an effort to control high blood pressure, seem to have a dramatic rise in cholesterol levels. Excuse me whilst I pull into this Starbuck's for a tall latte. The "large python stuffing" went well. Katy put down three large rats with a serpentine smile.

November 14, 2005 - Me and my significant other ( HAPPY BIRTHDAY hon!) spent this week end in Austin visiting co-significant others, Sid and Lisa. Austin is well known as the home of the weird. I found it hard to leave because I felt right at home. Coming next, words that are fraught with import and pregnant with meaning-------tomorrow.

November 15, 2005 - I got up this morning at the crack of 5:30 a.m., as usual. I shaved, showered, shampooed, and shined. Then I drove to work. Are you interested yet? I want to thank my son Sid for efforting my entry into the 'blog' world. No, that word is not in the dictionary, but you know as well as I that adding 'ing' to any word makes it a verb. It is just like adding an 'o' to any English word and that makes it Spanish. I am working on my first HO HUM TOP SEVEN list so keep it on this channel. From the mouse challenged father figure, see you tomorrow.